today was good. i had fun. lots of fun had. in fact, the most fun i've had in a while. happy birthday to chumps :) thankyou to my one and only. tis off to bed for one very tired moose.

mood: tired & i love my boyfriend :)

music: hear go boom - appollo 440

i have to work. i don't want to work. i wanna call up sick and say i'm sick. but no, i've got to. because we're understaffed as it is and no-one's stupid enough to have a job in a newsagency except me and a selected few.

so i've gotta go to work today, with my 2 days worth of sunburn and hayfever. i don't even know why i have hayfever so bad this time round. i just do and it sucks. i wanna chop my face off i feel so ick.

sniff sniff

but onto other stuff. has anyone really listened to the crap the music industries are churning out for mass consumption? i'm currently listening to a mix of The Who's, The Cure, Clash, Cheep Trick, Eagles, The Beatles, Beach Boys and the rest.

do you realise how many of your stars of today have copied and manufactured a cover of a classic? what you're listening to right now (if you are listening to something) is probably just a cheep copy of a great piece of music. sure, the companies might be able to reproduce some extra sounds, but have you ever sat there, with a record on the stereo (i'm talking about an actual record, vinyl), just sat there, listened to the music, the passion for the music, thought about the lyrics that they're pumping out to you. the lyrics that they themselve wrote.

then you flipp eminem on the disc-drive and listen to his little whiny voice. tear it off and put something else on like simple plan, manson and all those others that try to sell themselves to the masses for consumption. you sit there, listening to the music, the same regurgetated beat that's been replayed so many times before. listen to the lyrics meant to sell the albums. and then it dawns on you, this is shit. this is mass produced shit for the masses to swallow down and buy believing that this music does actually mean something. that these 'artists' have put something into their work. this is the real crud.

and then you search you cd's, pulling out all the original artists, go down to the cd store, look up on the shelves, cruise the singles, notice the shit produced. Nelly, Gwen, Danni Minogue (whatever happened to kylie?), williams, eminem, destiny's child, maroon 5, jay-z (wtf), linkin park, soggy sayo and all the rest. most of these, sure, they're catchy, they're like a jingle. a jingle to get in your head, drive you mad, in a hope you'll buy the cd so they can make money. but do they really write their own shit? do they have the passion, the experience, the background to the song? jamelia, soggy-sayo and all the rest, could you really put them on the stereo and hear it?

i spose you don't know what i'm talking about. lemme see if i can explain... have you ever heard a really old jazz or blues song and really listened to it? i mean really listened to the rasping, the background behind it, the pain, the anguish, the passion, the elation, the music within them? listen to some Billy Griff, Eddie Floyd, Johnny Winter, Johnny Lee Hooker, Muddy Waters, Ray Charles, Swamp Dog and the like. but don't just sit there and shrug it off, get into the music, focus on the one guitar, see the line of sound it forms, see the singer, think about the words, what they really mean.

and if you think, sure, a lot of these modern artist have passion (matallica, Rammstien, the Killers, Racid, Thrice etc), have you noticed it's just screaming? just angry angry screaming. not calm, talking about something, singing something to you, they're screaming it, they're music is angry and loud and loaded with angry rifts about stupid things like the band breaking up, current event (that's great and all, but seriously). then you listen to say, The Who or Cheep Trick. they're telling you something, about their generation, about what they're feeling at that current time, the music that surrounds them. but they're not telling you what to think, what to buy, what to see at the theatere, they're stating what they're seeing, not that they need a bonk every night or how tight that girls ass is, but they're telling you about truth, what it's like, the music of that time. they don't care if it's catchy, if it has sex appeal. the reason it was popular back then was because it was interesting. not because of the sex appeal. sure, their may have been some lurking around here and there, but it's not just about that. it's about the music and the passion behind it.

i dunno, maybe it's just me that's like this. or maybe, i just have nothing beter than to pay out modern music. don't get me wrong though, loves a bit of modern day music, but the stuff you see on video hits lately, the "top ten music", is it really the best we can do? i wanna see some true artist get up there like jack johnson, John Butler, Missy Higgins and the like. more of that, less "look at me, boobs, bump bump, thump thump, toosh, don't tell your mother" crud.

oki, i think it's time, time for moose to go, have a shower, get changed and go to work. later days.

mood: old man sam

music: mixed compilation

i don't see why people can't be happy. why they can't accept someone for who they are. especially when dating. no, not talking about my own situation, nor anything too current, lemme see if i can explain...

i was sitting at my newsagency a couple of weekends ago, and there's this couple that comes in. the female always has something evil to say about the male but the guy, he just stands there, lets her. maybe it's just the way we are or something. but why aren't they happy with who they're with? why can't they accept and love his/her faults?

i feel like grabbing each of them by the throat, pinning them against a wall (no, don't think those thoughts) and screaming "accept them for who they are you fuck-nut!!!" grrr...

uh. i don't understand people anymore.

that's right, go away, stop reading this and let me get back to my french-toast killing.

mood: tired & kinda agitated

music: Everything Zen - Bush

i found a dessert fork today. that's makes 3 in my collection. i feel so proud. i think i'll name him Bill or Bob or Bobby-Louise.

there's this thing on tv about this lady who's been handing out lollies at her local shopping malls for 30 years at christmas. but they're now telling her she needs insurence to give out lollies to the elderly and general public at christmas time in a hope to make people feel better and to spread the joy of christmas. it all began when a little boy came up to her crying because he couldn't enjoy christmas because mr.claus would go home alone, so she started giving out making bags of lollies out of her own funds (and still does) and dressing up as mrs.claus for 25 days in december.

how crazy is that?

mood: happy & jumpy

music: squirrel nut zippers

22 days til Christmas...

i had a weird day today. lemme see.

CRAP:

i didn't spend enough time with someone i wanted too. my brother really really really hates me and ruined my baby photos and trashed a bit of my room. it makes me upset to know he's like this. that there's nothing i can do and i don't understand why he's doing this or why he's like this at all. it just makes me really really upset.

BAD:

i had to work and juilet was back (my co-worker) so i had to put up with that. and i didn't get as much money for the week as i wanted either. i'm gonna only have to do half of my christmas shopping now so i'll have to wait for a week to get the other stuff done :(

UGLY:

i held back the tears. i wanted to cry on his shoulder but i didn't. this morning/lunch was really really crappy and i just, i dunno, i was so upset i just wanted to run away and cry cos everything bad had happened.

GOOD:

i got payed for the work i did this week which was mad. so now i have money to do the things, buy the things i want and other people want as well. christmas and following dates are gonna be so good for all parties :p

GREAT:

he cheered me up (as he always does) and made me smile. even talked about bodily functions and laughed at stuff with me and played the penis game. that's right, my boyfriend and i played the penis game (you know, the one you play at school or wtf). it was so much fun. and it made me laugh. he makes me laugh.

WONDERFUL:

i got to spend time with my one and only (lol). which was great. i love ever minute, second i get to spend with him. and well, yeh, i know he doesn't like to be talked about :p still, i had a wonderful time tonight. it made my day so much better.

anyhow, i reckon that's all i have for now. later days.

mood: content & wanting this to last forever :)

music: watching Good Fellas on tellie

hehe i changed my blog thing-o

*pokes screen with nose*

pruudddyyyy....

my head hurts :( and i saw the grudge last night. it was stupid. true, i did jump a few times, but so did everyone else mkay? sorry lory for the whole "fifth wheel" thingo :( there was meant to be other people, but erki and blah. but we had fun with the giant tampon thing right? right?

but i had fun. lots of fun had :) and ben ate too many chillis and he tasted funny when i kissed him. blerk, chillis. oooo! and i got to meet um... manda... :) and her respective. (manda, i so approve :) nice work moi chicken).

uh, what else is gnue...

i've been working, a lot, which is good. and everyone's away or snobbing me which is um, not good. and moose misses shorty and morgan and bella :( but i've got most of my family shopping done. hehe so much money i don't have anymore. but anyhow, i reckon that's it for now. later days.

this week has been so much fun :) well, these past two days. i've worked most of the week, so my "down time" comes after work on a saturday and the whole day of sunday. so my ever so sexy boyfriend and i decided to go to the art gallary saturday afternoon to get "cultured". that was ever so much fun what what! lol. cept i made a bit of a wank of myself. still, i had a really great time checking out art and stuff.

and i got to meet some of the "extras" in the family. that was good fun. and drinking and talking about small things and big things and silly things and drinking some more and falling asleep and losing track of what was happening. still, i had fun, lots of fun was had :)

but when i finally went home, i made a tent out of my bed and a few sheets. i don't know why. i spose it was just a combination of the alcohol and tired-ness catching up from the past couple of days/weeks/months.

and then...

ben came over today. that was good fun. we fell alseep on the couch and spent the majority of the day in front of the tellie. although semi-ordinary on my part it was rather fun. and getting caught in the rain on the way to woden :p hehe, twas fun.

i had a lot of fun today.

anyhow, i do believe it's bed time. later days.

my little baby brother has just joined mindsay. it's so cute. i should probably just clariffy that he isn't really my baby brother. he's 14. but still, you know what i mean right?

anyhow, what's been happening lately...

i'm going to dinner tonight :) which should be awesome. i'm picking him up from work and then we're gonna go somewhere. i'm so happy :p

on another note, my boss's mum died yesterday which was a bit sad. silently in her sleep. so now i'm working 6 days. i don't mind but i don't think it's hit her just of yet. she was really nice.

and christmas is coming up soon. hoorah! i so can't wait. i've got all my presents under the tree for my family. a few more to get but my pay comes through on thursday arvo for my pharmacy job so i'll go shopping sometime then.

but hey, i reckon that's about it. 3 months on friday. scary. anyhow, later days.

welcome to the wonderful world of... urk, i feel so sick  and no, i don't want to go out tonight.

meanwhile, work=money and money=lots of nice things at christmas. but i've been good, i spent money on giving homeless children some nice little things for christmas.

i can't wait til christmas (as i've said) it's one of my favourite times of the year. i've done my mum's, dad's, little baby brother's and the other family too. now i've just got to finish shopping for my ever so beloved boyfrend. maybe i'll finish it off on friday. or next week. i dunno. we'll see.

i got to see him last night (hoorah). and watched that "saw" movie. twas rather disturbing i though (story line wise). although the actors got on my nerves. i mean, oki, really good story line, kinda twisted, very much the kind of movie i enjoy seeing, but the actors and their accents were just, well, they seemed so fake to me. it was a very good movie though. i enjoyed it all anyways.

and i got to go to the pancake palour and play chess. that was so much fun :) and even if he thinks he did bad, and was angry at me cos i was being female. but i don't think so. silly goat. i had a wonderful time last night and can't wait til i get to see him again :)

later days.

my throat feels so swollen and my stomach is shooting pains around my body. but i've got to work today, and greet people into the shop and erk. hoorah. i don't wanna go and dad won't take me down to the chemist to get some codral so i've got my cepacol and telfast.

meanwhile...

sam's going for her P's at 11.15. mad stuff. 15 minutes before then i'll start work. 45 minutes after she starts her driving lesson my boss' mum's funeral will start. 7 hours and 15 minutes after sam starts her driving lesson, i'll have finished work and will be heading back home to sleep. this time tomorrow i'll have been at work for 20 minutes and counting down the seconds til i get to go shopping and finish off the "christmas box".

and i'm thinking, at the end of january, i might take a week off to well, sleep, be sick, fly to the moon and maybe even do something for his birthday. maybe i'll go down to jinders with the family and stay in the spa for the whole week. i dunno. i spose we'll just see at the end of next month.

and hey, only 9 days until christmas! hoorah! i so excited :) later days.

oh, btw, check out www.mooseandflipp.com crazy chicken

i was reminded today about how taking a picture freezes the moment it's been taken. it's a record of something done, something achieved, the look on someone's face, happiness, laughter, sadness, love. anything and everything can be expressed in the blink of an eye just by pressing one little button on a little box.

now days it can even be recorded onto dvd (as my uncle showed me today) but that's beside the point. see, we had my family christmas lunch thingo + a meet, greet and eat for all the newest members of my family and the existing ones. this included various cousins, aunts, uncles, in-laws, family-historians, boyfriends, girlfriends and a whole different array of family-to-be's.

uncle rob couldn't pass up the moment as it's probably going to be the last time the family is truelly together as a whole until someone passes away and it happens all over again. so he set the tri-pod out in the back of mama and papa's backyard to push the button, save the time and remember the day.

after the photo, i went back inside to look at our other family photos (from 5 years or so back) , and because sweets were on. but i was looking at all my happy smiling cousins, my uncle's various wives, the similarity between family members (only a colless could look as cool and crazed like a wild turkey). in most of the photos, we usually have at least one new baby, proud parents, even prouder grand-parents, but this year, there's something different about this photo...

there are older people in it. no more babies and there was only one child there (a soon-to-be-colless). the new additions were two or three respective boyfriend and girlfriends, two fiance's and peter's newest spouse. and as the camera clicked and saved the moment, everyone smilling or what have you, it's like, this is my family, all 36 of us. whether married or being a "handbag", it felt so perfect. like, love it or leave it, this is my family and even if we go overseas, lose touch, become indisposed in some way or another, for that brief moment when the camera went click, that was love, that was perfect, it was family and it is mine, forever.

a picture can say a million words, but my favourite words for this picture are love, family, together, always, now.

later days.

i just realised what that peaches song was about. how twisted :s

• sleep
• actually read henry's email and reply
• find time to read henry's email and reply
• sit down
• celebrate christmas with my family (or the bits that are about)
• sleep
• find out if henry's box-thingo got to him okay
• sleep some more

this holidays has been uber erk. i should be at work right about now. but i'm not. because mom's in the shower and dad, well, isn't really into the whole early-morning drive down to the newsagency thing. i'm so tired and really have had no time for anyone. i feel so bad :(

on a plus, i don't have to work during christmas (5 days of pure holidays). which is really good. on a minus, i have to work on new years day. by myself. at 6.30am :( oh well, double time money for me.

anyhow, must buzz, work calls.

later days.

i can feel the furry stuff on my braces elastic bands cos i've been chewing on them and i've had them in for a record week. oh man do they need a change...

yay! it's christmas in the morning! i so can't wait! and i got christmas present from my grandparents and my one and only today. huzzah! dad and i are going to Saint Andrew's Church tomorrow morning for an old school kinda service. i'm sick of rock groups and wanna-be hillsongers at the local. it's kinda sad.

but i got to see my beloved today. it was soo good. but he was sick :( and i hope i didn't make him anymore sick (or in trouble). hehe, and he got his big christmas box full of christmas presents :p i finally finished it (huzzah) and now i've got to wait. wait until tomorrow morning til i can open mine.

and y'know, i think, christmas is gonna last a week for me. i like christmas, even if it has become really comercial and crazy. and this christmas is different. this christmas i've got someone else to love. someone who isn't related by blood or a family friend joining us for the day. this time i have someone to love and who loves me. it's wierd. it's like, this christmas is gonna be so much better, so much more different because he's here. i dunno. it's just cool i spose :)

and i don't have to work for 4 days or so now. oh how i love my christmas break. so tired and so can't wait to go shopping and see my family in sydney. only i hate being away from ben for so long :( so gonna miss him. anyhow...

merry christmas everyone (and a very happy new year)!!!

1.34am - send the "merry christmas" sms to boy to be the first one to wish him a merry christmas (fucked if i'm gonna let someone else do it before me). finally head off to bed after a year of solid work to "the nightmare before christmas" soundtrack.

2.56am - wake up and go see my present under the christmas tree. drag them all back into my bed and go to sleep. wake up a bit later and take the crackly ones back. fall asleep on the giant teddy bear i got :)

5.45am - have my body clock wake me up to work. only i'm not working this one saturday of the year. funny that. try and go back to sleep but realise i can't because the sun's shinning in. get up and get ready for church.

7.58am - head off to catch the 8am service. ponder on the way about religion and what i should do for uni (as my strength is in religious ethics).

8.14am - look in wonder as the priest (a female) really seems so cool and educated. ponder about what it would be like to be a nun or priest. maybe even a vicar.

8.16am - start singing hymes and realise, getting up on sunday mornings at 6am to do a 7am service really isn't for me. decided not to be a nun or a priest or a vicar. resume staring at the little child picking her nose at the alter and wonder how the priest can stand there with this little girl staring back at her.

9.00am - hurry back home for coffee and opening of presents.

in which i got...

• chanel no.5 (really really expensive never been opened from the 1970's) - grandparents
• elizabeth arden's "sunflower" - mum and dad
• spike milligan (the moose bible) - mum
• skateboard - dave
• lip junk - dave
• chicken soup book - mum and dad
• cd voucher $50 - boyfriend
• giant teddy-bear - boyfriend
• 26 "merry christmas" sms's - people x.x
• embroydered wash towel - nanna

11.57am - sat down and ate lunch and had a drink.

1.08 pm - died in front of the tv and fell asleep.

4.32 pm - got up, walked about, and here i am.

so... merry christmas one and all. hope everything you want-ed you go(a)t-ed. it's been a wonderful, strenuouse, exciting, exuberating, ecstatic, micro-wavable, penis, huggable, loveable, and lovely year getting to know all of you just that much better. good luck in the new year everyone  and merry christmas :)

so, christmas day and my family, well, my dad, mum and i go to church. it's a ritual and it only happens once a year cos that's when dad can be stuffed getting into a car early on a sunday morning. but we've been driven out of all the local churches (6 in total). not because we're the ever so lucky spawn of satan but because of rock music. like wtf?

walk in, sit down and get greeted with...

not organs...

not a choir...

but a fucking electric guitar and drums on a saturday fucking morning at 7.30am. maybe i'm too ecentric and i need to start living it up a little, but why should i? i've worked my arse to the bone, fingers to the quick, 6 days a week, 13+ hours a day and i deserve a church service where i'm not greeted in the morning with a lack of coffee and sleep and an ever growing headache to come to church and have some stupid whinning shit singing out whinning little jingles on this stupid guitar while his stupid friend backs him up with a pounding of the church drum-set.

what ever happened to nice instruments, church instruments like organs and pianos and string instruments? i don't want a fucking rock group for church. i want traditional christmas church kinda music and this one day where i do go to church, i want my traditional christmas church music. fuck the alternative "pop" music.

i hate the guitar and drums anyways. and the trumpet.* it's crap. they're crap. it's sposed to be holy and of God. not this roaring of stupid electric guitar busso. and if they have some sort of guitar it should be accoustic because electric is so fucking whinny.

maybe i'm just bitter and twisted tonight but i should deserve my one time i go to church not to be a cinimac experience because that takes it away from the true meaning of going to church. it's should be about God. isn't that what church is about?

and none of this kissing and hugging bussiness either. yuck.

oh fuck this, fuck you yuppies.

later days.

*i spose i should specify, they suck - in a church environment- it's sposed to be holy and of God. not this roaring of stupid electric guitar busso.

today i painted a giant fish on the back of my door using acrylic. it looks cool. i tried to call kenny and manda to tell them about my fish-on-the-wall but they weren't at home. i almost cried.

but it looks cool. pictures will follow when i get my film processed and scanned. mum and dad don't know about it yet. they're gonna flip! hahahaha! and the paint's made me all dizzy. but it looks cool.

goes with my cool sheet-fortress. i made a sheet-fortress on christmas night. it was fun. then i slept under it and dad called me strange when he came to wake me up the next morning. i just laughed.

oh, and i went to sydney if anyone was wodnering. and i bought 3 new pink tops and 2 new skirts and they're all rather girly. and i spent all my money but it was all rather good :)

and my cousin's gonna pop! she's pregnant which is cool. i'm gonna train it to be in my evil baby army cos my other cousin's pregnant too. mahahahaha! and my little cousin, she got a baby born doll for christmas. she now has two. she likes to shake and punch them in the head. she's 5 :) she's so cute and so much like me :) she can be in my evil baby army too :)

and then we'll take over the world.

anyhow, that's my *second* rant for today.

later days.

wow, havn't done one of these in ages*...

1* First grade teacher's name:  Mrs Morgan

2* Last word you said: fuck

3* Last song you sang: Peaches by Presidents of the USA

4* Last person you hugged: ben :)

5* Last thing you laughed at: my little brother.

6* Last time you said I dont remember: in the car driving home from shopping with mom.

7* Last time you cried: sunday when i went away for too long.

*PRESENT*

8* What's in your CD player: mixed compilation of Squirrel Nut Zippers and Lamb

9* What color socks are you wearing: i'm wearing thongs ;)

10* What's under your bed: boxes full of school junk

11* What time did you wake up today: 6.38am

12* Current taste: cherry tongue fungas syrup

13* Current hair: messy ponytail

14* Current clothes: sweatshirt, singlet top, jeans

15* Current annoyance: needing the toilet but the cleaner's here

16* Current longing: this afternoon. and to try on the new jocks i got

17* Current desktop picture: happy tree friends

18* Current worry: about this thing on my back. and my tongue fungas. and my nanna.

19* Current hate: julia russel. definately julia russel.

20* Current favorite article of clothing: underwear! and that paul frank top i gots.

21* Favorite physical feature of the preferred sex: nostriles... lol, no, eyes :)

22* Last CD that you listened to: proper cd? um, nightmare before christmas.

23* Favorite place to be: bed, movies.

24* Least favorite place: work

25* Time you wake up in the morning: between 4am and 6am

26* If you could play an instrument, what would you play: the oot. definately the oot.

27* Favorite color: pink and blue

28* Do you believe in an afterlife: spose so.

29* How tall are you: 5 foot something 

30* Current favorite word/saying: fuck, goat, chickens, taps

31* Favorite book:  cloudstreet by winton

32* Favorite season: winter

33* One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to:  grandad or henry.

35* Where do you want to go for college? already at college.

36* What is your career going to be like: i'll prob end up in secretarial possitions specialising

in bussiness admin. but would love to be an artist.

37* How many kids do you want: one or two but not til i'm older.

*HAVE YOU EVER...*

39* Said "I love you" and meant it: yup

40* Gotten in a fight with your dog/cat/bird/fish, etc: hehe, yes - my dog.

41* Been to New York: no

42* Been to Florida: no

43* Been to California: no

44* Been to Hawaii: no

45* Been to Mexico:  no

46* Been to China: No

47* Been to Canada: no

48* Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: yupers. like last

night, i had this dream, we were all driving about and we sausaged my ex's house and then

we were all in beach clothes and um... :D

52* Do you have a crush on someone: yupers.

53* What book are you reading now?: The Spike Milligan Collection

54* Worst feeling in the world: not knowing what to do.

55* What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning?: breakfast!

56* How many rings before you answer: 3

57* Future daughter's name: scarlet or rose

58* Future son's name: edward or william

59* Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: a whole flock

60* If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be: artist. definatly a roving artist. or a

voice over person.

61* Wish were here: benjamin!

62* College plans: finish year 12 in one piece?

63* Piercings: 13

*THE EXTRA STUFF*

64* Do you do drugs: only medicinal

65* Do you drink: only a glass

67* What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use: palmolive. whatever i pick up at the

supermarket or get for free off magazines or something.

68* What are you most scared of: death.

69* What clothes do you sleep in: underwear and top.

70* Who is the last person that called you: my boss 

71* Where do you want to get married: beach ontop of a cliff.

72* If you could change anything about yourself what would that be: strange habbits,

bossiness at times

73* Who do you really hate: julia russel definately julia russel. 

74* Been In Love: think so.

75* Are you timely or always late:  in between. depends what it is and how long i have to get

ready for it.

 76* Do you have a job: part time at newsagency and pharmacy assistant.

77* Do you like being around people: sometimes.

78* Best feeling in the world: love and contentment

79* Are you for world peace: cha

80* Are you a health freak: so not.

81* Do you have a "Type" of person you always go after: i think so

82* Do you want someone you don't have? not really, i already have him :)

83* Are you lonely right now: not really.

84* Ever afraid you'll never get married: not really.

85* Do you want to get married: kinda. not fussed. 

86* Do you want kids? if i can.

*IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...*

87* Cried: not really. well, there was lilo and stitch on the tellie. i cried in that :(

88* Bought Something: bras and jocks

89* Gotten Sick: cold, not sick. cept i do have tongue fungas

90* Sang: in the car this morning.

91* Said I Love You: yupers

92* Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them: been there, done that.

93* Met Someone New: yup. ben's friend-peoples.

94* Moved On: from what?

95* Talked To Someone: yupers

96* Had A Serious Talk: me? serious? no.

97* Missed Someone: yupers

98* Hugged Someone: yupers

99* Yelled at Someone: yupers. and no, i will not clean my room :(

100* Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be With: yupers.

*nabbed from [insert name here]'s blog

i'm feeling ever so melloncolly.

i have to go to work in an hour and twenty but before that... i have to wash my hair. hoorah.

i hate washing my hair. i always end up sneezing cosa the conditioner is smelly and the bubbles get up my nose. the i sneeze and sneeze and the bubbles start to pop out of my nose. it's kinda ick.

i hate the way my hands go all funny after a while cos i've had them on my head for so long cos i like to make shapes out of my hair. and then my head starts to go all woozly cos i have the water up way too high. it's really not cool.

i once fainted in the shower cos the heat got to me. i hit my head on the tap cept i was home alone and when i woke up the shower was cold. then i had to wash my hair again cos it had gone all icky and red.

i don't want to go to work today. it's almost an hour til i have to get on my bike and go. well, ask mum for a lift.

i dream of love as time runs through my head...

i do declare...

tonight is new years eve. i feel sad. i can't go out and i'll probably be alseep by the time new years hits. i'm so tired and i feel kinda sick. it's icky. i don't want to do anything for ages. not work, not eat, not see anyone (cept maybe one or two) and just sleep and relax. not do anything.

the sweet intoxication of love...

anyhow... i'm thus far tired and needing to have a shower before i head for work. fuck i'm closing. ah well, later days.

mood: ick

music: sting compilation

word of the day: shower

shit. when i started this out, i looked at all the names and thought, "fuck, i don't know that many people do i?" but when i began to type under each person's name, it just came to me. it's kinda cool. each of you write your own affirmations. towards the end i was getting kinda tired. but here they are...

ben:

my one and only, my soul mate. mr. cutie patootie. these (almost) 4 months have been really amazing. christmas wouldn't have been the same without you by my side and it's made everything all that more worthwhile. even when i was about to give up on a lot of things, you've been there just to help, offer some words and just be there. you're a great friend and a wonderful boyfriend. i fell in love with you the first time i saw you and i will always love you.

bella:

me chooken! 1 whole year of ms. maloney's math class. fuck. and spending a whole year getting to know you better, having a bitch about mr. carty, wagging lessons, having my braces done up, meeting strange people and cleaning kitchens. you're truelly the madest chicken i have met and a one of the funniest people i've met. been a mad year with even more to come.

sam:

man, the fights we've had this year. it's been tough, but we got through it. madest part of the year would probably be visiting your farm for the first time. that was so cool! the chickens and dogs and goats and those slobbery cows! and yet another person who i shared ms. maloney's math class with this year. the trips to maccas and the random conversations we've had have been a laugh. can't wait to see you next year!

kirstin:

if these walls could talk... hectic, fun, bizzare, eye-opening and enthrawling.  hearing some of the stuff you go through is amazing. i don't think i've ever met someone as strong and tough as you. you've faced it all and i know, if i was you, i don't think i would have gone through with it all. you're an amazing person kirst and give the best hugs ever! hope the future's bright with many more smiles and laughter (instead of tears). no matter what, i'll always be here for you. you're an amazing person kirst and i don't think anything will ever change that.

lory:

christmas. now that was cool. the best christmas pressent i've ever given would have to be that job for you. okay, so it wasn't perminant, but it did give you some cash right? and it kept you out of mischuff for a few nights. it's been cool getting to know morgan and yourself through these past months. a truelly awsome night was made even awesomer (is that a word) just by having you around. even if you did "5th wheel" it, you'll always be welcome.

manda:

crazy year. from bad movies with maccas and chuck to school times spent in the common room deciding, debating, die-ing (on the floor). an honoury fellow tea-room-junkie it's been so cool getting to know you this year. it feels like it's been a whole heap longer than just this little while but that's about it. it's been crazy and mad and laughable and angry but no-matter what, you'll always be my randi-mandi-gandi who loves goats and sheep and tollerates mooses, even at the worst of times. truelly, one of the greatest friends i've ever come across, you'll always have my trust, love and goat.

cj:

christopher, cj, chicken mac daddy. this year... it's been wierd. you've shitted me off for most of it (don't worry, nothing you can do) although my birthday was one mad bang and you really did top it off with the whole chinese-food-sculpture and playing the penis game up the top of civic. it's been cool getting to know you and you really are, one of the wierdest (and most confussing) people i will ever meet though a true laugh when the time comes.

cora:

the times we've had... you probably hate me about now and i have to admit, i got a bit pissed at you through the year. but no matter what, you've always been a great person to talk just junk to but still be serious to at the same time. an in-and-out tea-room-junkie when one gets their head around some of the things your talking about and stops seeing things so one-sided, you really do have a good point to make in your own way. tis rather cool. til next year?

duck:

my brew-buddy. it's been a crazy summer/autumn/winter/spring/summer/autumn/winter/spring/summer with you. you've always been there with all the ingredients to make it fizz and a pool to cool it all down. you've always been a goof and such a duck. it's been a great couple of years and hopefully many more to come. ps. how's the brew coming along?

kitty:

my beloved, i love thee, let me count the ways.... it's been cool, mad, thrilling, like a giant chicken in parts. you've made me laugh until i could feel the snott start to come out of my nostriles and my sides hurt. we've laughed at the stupidest things and i don't think our "marriage" will ever die. you suprise me in a lot of the things you do. you're a truelly wonderful person that i've come to know over my time at merici. has been great fun.

morgan:

lory's other half. although not always about it's been cool this past year esp. crazed movie theatres and in preventing lory from feeling like a "wheel" it's been wicked (haha, wicked, get it?) it's been kinda quiet too. hopefully more louder and funnier as the time goes on. been truelly mad though. you and lory and truelly one of the best couples i've ever had the pleasure of getting to know. it's cool.

sammikins:

from wierd blog entries to crazed goat meetings in belco (why was i there again?) to wicked car rides back to cj's house. it's been crazy and cool and wicked all in one. you're one of the nicest people and most confussing i've met in a while and i hope to see a lot of in the near future. keep it up :)

chumps:

chumps! my crazed goat friend! i've cancelled on you so many times and you for me as well, but at the end of the day (or middle) i was still there with the shovel when you jumped out of the plane. it's been cool these past couple of years (it's hooowww long sam?) and the mad-ass phone calls at odd times of the week have been the bomb. you've been one of the best to hang about with and do the odd bit of jumping about on my birthday to los capitans and the rest. i love my very first penis i got from you and podge. it was truelly an adventous birthday had by all. you're one of the coolest people i've ever met. see you in the new year?

shorty:

kenny, shorty, beasty, el capitane the (rather) large and fellow honourary tea-room-junkie. microwaving and penising with you has been truelly the best this year. getting things pierced and puking up blood has been entertaining to say the least and old man sam truelly treasures your sizing (although... 78... 79...). it's been so cool and so much fun with you this year i almost blow milk out my nose just from laughing at some of the laughs we've had this year. you're like something awesome that someone's thought up just to make other people laugh and smile and just be there for. a true friend that i can truelly count on when a mall-crawl comes to town. i'm sorry i havn't been there as much as i should (btw, watcha doin next thursday or this monday?)

kathy:

i havn't really gotten to know you and i don't think you really know who i am but as kirstin's girlfriend, i thought i owed you an affirmation. so here we go... you've been kirstin's other half for so long. it's been cool and cute and all those other things and it's just, i dunno, would you call it a perfect relationship? when you two are about, it's just, i dunno, just seems to be. i hope you two last forever, you're truelly timeless, both of you.

bailey:

my "other-halves-floozy". you must really be getting sick of that right? i remember when you went off at me the other day about that. ages and ages ago. i felt kinda bad. but it's been great reading what you've been up to and things that you and kitty have been to and seen as are the times i've seen you about and all. you've got some great taste in music and some wicked ideas. pure musical genius.

antony:

well that was a wierd time there... but i'm glad i've gotten to know you. i dunno if i made an impact or not but you're a pretty cool person to get to know and as a fellow invader zim fan, even better. it's been cool, truelly cool, no-matter what's happened (or hasn't) it's been cool this year and hopefully, the years to come.

dave:

merry christmas? i don't think i've said that to you yet. pranking, jess, wierd sms's and the odd bit of seeing each other about. it's been cool both talking about and with you (hahaha, paranoid yet?). bowling was really cool although i didn't realise who you were until later. it was sad about, well, yeh. but i'm glad i've come to meet and know you. it's been an amazing year and an amazing end of the year getting to know you. hope to see you in the new year!

nick:

nicholas allan. i've already forgotten your middle name. jeeze that sucks. this year (the start) has been wierd and kinda cool. it's been cool talking to you now and then (even if it's very general) and i'm sorry to you and sam. i wish you all the best in the future.

henry:

i don't know how long it's been or if you're gonna read this at all but it's been ages. you should come back round and visit for a bit more than afew days or so. the two weeks on herron were truelly amazing and something i wish to repeat one day. one day henry, the time will come when i will venture up to america just to visit you :) you're the greatest. best friends i've ever met and someone i hope to get to know a whole heap more as the time goes on. you're one of the best peopel i've ever met and i wish you all the happiness, peace and prosperity in the future. my love, always.

Matt:

my dearest Matt (and only bar my cousin). you are the wierdest and bizzarest person i've ever met. and although i only had the pleasure of meeting once, you filled the night with laughter at the funny things you did and said. a true jester of all types and sure did cheer up my night just that little bit more. it was a mad night, and even mader having you about. you're a true individual with nothing standing in your way. and with a little push in the right (or left) direction, any number is accessable.

everyone, all the rest and forgotten:

love, peace and happiness to all. without any of you i wouldn't be the person i am today. you've shapped, made me laugh, cry, accept, defend, love. without you, i'd be nothing and for that i am so thankfull. thankyou for everything you are, have accomplished and everything you will ever be. it's been great and i hope to hear from all of you in the future.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

my boyfriend reminded me what a hermit i was being this evening and after reading various friend's blogs, i feel kinda bad. i mean, everyone seemed to have such a great NYE and what did i do? lie comatozed on the couch with a final crawl to my bed as the night wore on.

my friends were out partying and seeing the NYE in. my parents and brother were over partying next door. and where was i? too stubourn to go anywhere. i didn't want to venture over to my friend's place cos i'm not really sure if i am a friend or not. so much has happened between us since my birthday. he was the nicest *male* friend i've had since, well, since DHS. i could make sculptures and play the penis game with him and eat pudding and watch south park and just, it was cool. you know what i'm saying? it was a pretty cool friendship. he was cool, this thing we had together, friendship, it was cool. we could speak on the same level and i'd know what he was on about (most of the time) and i spose it was the same. but now it's crap. but then, he said stuff, and i just, it's gotten to that point, i'm not sure what's happening, whether we're here or there, whether i'm still his friend or not or what's happening with that.

and that's why i was ultimately too stuborne to see in the new year with the friends that were there that night. and i feel kinda guilty. but it was his place. i'd had felt like an intruder. it wouldn't have been my place. right? but everyone seemed to have so much fun and i've just been hermitting. not saying anything and pretty much keeping to myself :( it's ick and kinda scary and i've been doing it for so long. it's erk.

and my family. partying next door. having a nice, quiet night with the neighbours and next-suburb-neighbours (same thing round here). but i snuck away. i didn't feel like being with my family. i wrote my affirmations then sat comotosed for the rest of the evening. a phone next to my ear, listening to a semi-depressed-sounding beasty. it was crud.

so there was my NYE. oki in parts but ultimately crud. bugger it. i'm off to bed. later days.

me.... as time progresses, as a hermit (and i shall change my name to Robert Edward Harrell the fishing hermit moose) and all shall fear my hermity ways.

approaching the "emotions" kinda thing today. arguing over whether to share and all that. i don't. emotions are something i deal with inside me. don't take it the wrong way. i love you to death. but the way i've been brought up, emotions are a personal thing and something i don't share. at all.

i might be upset on the inside or hurt or elated or something. but the thing is, emotion is something i chose to keep to myself. what i chose to display on the outside may be compeltely different to what i'm feeling on the inside. but see, no-one has ever been let inside me. inside my head it's me. it always has been.

it's something i like to keep sacred. something that is me. and i'd like you to respect that. don't feel bad that i don't want to share what i feel. it's like my religion. what i really believe, is inside me. i don't share it. i'll say an idea i've had, for sure, but when it comes down to it, what you see may or may not be what you really get. but that's just who i am.

don't feel bad. please don't feel bad. it's me, it's the way i was brought up and nothing's gonna change it.

but this doesn't mean i'm not passionate. that things don't show through. sure, they sometimes do. but i try to make it the good stuff. cos i life with worry, sadness and the like, isn't one that i want to share with you. i want to share one of laughter, passion, love, life. not sadness, tears, sorrow and the like. this isn't what i want us to be like.

this is who i am. take me or leave me.

no, i'm not transforming into a pirate moose (as sexy as that could be). no, i'm angry. pissed off. annoyed. shitted. fuckity fuck fucking fuckness.

i don't understand how someone can jump to conclusions so easily.

sam's sleeping at my house today. or she slept at my house last night. and you know why? all because of the actions of one person. because one person's jumped to conclusions and hasn't realised it or is too blind. no offence to this one person, but think about it. don't just jump and shout at one person because that person hasn't done anything at all.

yes, she can be annoying sometimes, but so is everyone. she didn't spread those things (why would she?). i don't know who did but you have no right to go off at her for some stupid rumour that she didn't start. you need to think before you make someone cry. that's just cruel and vindictive.

maybe you just wanted someone to blame for a rumour that's going round, but take a chill pill, sit down and think about things before you jump to conclusions. make sure you've got all the facts straight and your head is cooled before you shout at somone because you're unhappy about something. talk about it. if it's not going your way then fine but don't go ape shit at someone who had nothing to do with it.

next...

this whole, calling things out randomly on the phone. everyone knows that when you talk to me on the phone, when you talk to me full stop, i might not always be serious. i might have a bit of a laugh and i might say things that are out of line. yes, i'm an attention seeker sometimes (cough cough) but don't get all up at someone just because it's been said that "someone wants to bonk someone really really bad and that this someone should call the other someone to arrange a time and place because they are bored".

don't be silly and childish and stop jumping to conclusions about something. know that i will always have a laugh (except maybe at funerals) and will always twist something to make it funny (except maybe at funerals). it's the kinda person i am and i thought by now you'd know that.

sigh

i dunno. i need to make breakfast and stuff. but i'll make a few calls today. you know who you are make sure you're contactable. and try and tidy a few things up and cross a few people off my shit-list. later days.

hmm... well, this is wierd...

the hermit moose returns... after about a week of not blogging (has it been a week? i think it's only a few days, but oh well...) having my blog restored by the ever so wonderful Brian (you majorly rock brian, i am forever in debt to you :) ) i am now with blog. which is cool cos i love my blog.

that's right, i'll admit it now, i love my blog and i don't know where i'd be without it. maybe i dunno, at work, on the couch. i did finish a book, but what's different to normally?

but i've been social. well, yesterday i was social. i got to meet rowan who is as funny as all hell and saw cora and cj and met up with my ever so wonderful boyfriend and saw manda and almost picked up :)

and i finally got to see spongbob. it was soooo good. a majorly awesome movie i must say. and i got a new cd! (best of 2004 by Q magazine) which isn't too bad. rather rockful (all must check it out, or maybe i just have something for greenday atm).

but anyhoo, i am off. for i smell (bad) like always and need a shower before i go out and about to work. later days.

THANKYOU BRIAN!!! YOU MAJORLY ROCK MY SOCKS!!! YAY!

my brother broke his bed today. all he did was sit on it and the join broke and he fell. and i laughed.

and i went on a picnic with ben in his lunch break which was cool. but i think i got him in a bit of trouble. but it was good. and we had fake wine (because he had to go to work) and grapes and sandwhiches and it was really really cool. and we sat and ate and talked and made fun of stuff and it was cool.

anyhow, that was my today.

my brother's bed is truelly broke. hahaha. he's gonna have to sleep on the ground. and my love nest-tent thing still stands. so there.

i have a dream. a dream where one day i shall ride all of the ride-on amusments in canberra.

who's with me?

y'know... i think everyone just needs to calm down and sit and recount everything. everyone's moving way too fast and everything's getting so screwed over. everything's getting clogged up and people need to stop being so... human?

No one's happy about anything anymore and it's sad. everyone's depressed and angry with everyone for everything. i spose what i'm trying to get at is everyone just needs to stop and think. not do, but sit and think about what they're doing or saying.

i don't know if that makes any sense. let's see if i can drill it down a bit for you. people (you know who you are) have been getting uptight about everything. stressing about every detail (as far as i can see). if something isn't to their liking, they don't try and fix it. they don't move on and they certainly don't sit down and have a good chat with everyone about it.

take a chill pill and just calm down for a while. everything happens better if you stress less anyways. let everything flow. i spose i should just look at this as an experience. something to chalk down and laugh at a later day. i spose i will.

i spose what i'm getting at is, you are your own person and you are in control of your life and no-one can take that power away from you. so maybe people are just doing this (not thinking thing) just cos they feel powerless. i spose what you've got to remember is working it out. YOU direct what is in your mind, no one else but you and only you can choose how to act or behave or think.

Nevertheless, with everyone else, emotional distance is key. distance yourself from the situation. stop and review what you're doing, what you're achieving by doing this. look at it in every point of view (and be honest, take the time and do it properly).

maybe i'm just too simple for my own good. Alternatively, just too tired. However, the way i see it, everyone just moves way too fast and do things without talking or thinking them through properly. On the other hand, maybe I’m just trying to create a post worth reading. so on that note (and the realisation that all i'm doing is rambling)...

so, until i'm feeling less old... to be continued...

He is the coolest, hottest smartest person ever!!!!!!!

*cough cough*

los caps gig i hear you say? but where shall this be? and when?

where: glebe park

time: 1pm to 6pm

who: Me the Conqueror, Koolism + lesser known dj's and bands.
when: Australia Day (26th January)

cost: free event although fundraising is taking place for the tsunami victims.

why come?

for all those who wern't so lucky to get out to the bdo this year *sobs* there is this. the importants (being the los capitans) will be performing at 4:30pm in Glebe Park (not stage 88) as a part of the Park Live 05 Australia Day Festival.  now obviously because its the Australia Day Festival anyone who doesn't come clearly isn't Australian and will be sent to Woomera to think about what it means to be an Australian.

so come... because it will be cool, and fun and maybe even a mosh or some crazy people (owen) running into people (owen) who are so totally baked (owen). and there may even be some pizza in the park.

so i say, who's with me?

y'know, i really need a holiday.

stuff this australia day concert and pizza in the park being sociable. i've avoided being sociable all holidays with work so bugger it all. i'm going to the beach.

later days.

i had the best fun ever the other night. well, the other day. ben turned the big ol' (legal) age of 18. now he's old. and we went out to dinner and drunk a shit load of wine and spirits and ate, well, not too much, but we still ate.

and marcus sampled his very first, well, first three puffs of a cigerette. poor little chooken. he coughed so bad and was dizzy and had to sit in the gutter for a while.

but it was good. and we got to go clubbing and there were all these old men (what's with that anyways?). but it was sooo much fun! and i had my very first cocksucking cowboy which was soo good and tasted like skittles.

but my feet really really hurt and ben was tired and stuff so we went home (much to bella's disapointment) and tried to sleep. but ben still had adrenaline  pumping so he didn't get much sleep and i was still excited so we just lay there and talked. twas good :)

meanwhile, school starts tomorrow :S i have all my school books and school stuff in order. now all i have to do is go to school. i had this nightmare the other day that i went to school on the first day but i left my locker lock behind so i had to cart around my books all day.

and i feel bad for ditching everyone last night. i just came home and died instead of going to dinner. man that sucked and i am soooo sorry chris :( it seemed like a lot of fun :(

anyhow, i need a shower. later days.

YOU are not welcome in my house ever again. neither are you welcome in his.

YOU have treated my house, and his house like garbage. it's unacceptable.

YOU have treated my house, his house like a B&B.

YOU were a guest. not family. invited in and to behave like a guest. not a slob.

YOU i am not happy with and have not been for a while.

YOU have treated me and my family like utter shit and no respect.

YOU know who you are and

YOU are not welcome anymore.

i'm sorry, but this is the way it is. treat things with little respect and thy will treat you with little in return.

the other day she approached me about it. i spose i'm just writing this because i know you'll start getting defensive and start denying everything. stop lying about things as liers are only running away from themselves, unable to confront something that they have done.
so i spose i should start...
late last year, this occured and oki, for sure, really didn't care. i know he was just something to play with for a month and i'm not sorry for any actions that i've done in that situation, with that relationship/s. but the meat on the table is my current relationship.
i spose what i'm trying to get at is, i'm not interested in being her friend anymore. my relationships are completely open. especially the one with my boyfriend and when negative things are said about him, or our relationship behind either of our backs, there's an obligation to each other. it's this trust.
but just as there is trust, there's also respect. a respect for the other's friends, a trust on each other. but i'd expect this trust and respect to run true with any relationship and that's what a value about a lot of my friends. it's a trust (and resepct of this trust) that when i introduce someone to another, esp a significant other, they will act with decorem. as they do around me. and they will not try and come onto this significant other. they will not try and break us up (as the fact stands, as if).
but i spose i was wrong about someone. very very wrong. i should be able to trust someone enough for them to tell me the truth about conversations they've had with people. esp significant others. i should be able to know they respect my relationships and not to abuse them.
it makes me very upset to know this has happened. and i know i have acted like a hard-chookened bitch, but it does make me very upset that someone has broken my trust. someone that i trusted has broken this. they have disrespected my relationships both with my friends, my boyfriend, and both of my families. but most of all, they have abused all of these.
i spose it's just a big not happy jan. it really upsets me that you felt the need to say those things, to act in that way, and that you actually felt the need to break my boyfriend and i up. that isn't what friends do but more to the point, that isn't the way that friends are suposed to treat other friends both personally and in relationships. it should be one of respect and trust and this should never be broken.
but the other thing is, as long as this is so, as long as it stands that you have abused my relationships, you've abused the respect and trust i had for you and the relationships i hold and i'm really not interested in anything you have to say about it. and i do not wish to hear about how you've gone crying to my boyfriend, sending him text messeges on why this is so. i don't want you talking to my boyfriend and i'm pretty sure he doesn't want to be talking to you either.
and yes, i realise you may be sorry, but you've lied to me. you broken my trust. and it really upsets me that someone that i trusted and respected as much as you has done this to me. and until you're going to change and stop abusing my relationships, i have no interested in holding out a friendship with you.
later days.

man do i need a cigerette.

this weekend has been huge. it's the kinda weekend that you'd want to go on forever even though you'd know you'd fall over with exhaustion. so much fun, so much dirt, one awesome night spent, and one extremelly awesome bout of sex. and i mean, oh my god!

it made me take my mind of things but now i'm starting to think about them. i mean, i am, but i'm thinking about them in a very very tired and spent-like-a-monkey way. i spose it's come from having one of those talks with my brother. but i spose i should start with this weekend before i get to the end...

this weekend was fucking awesome. i worked (which sucks) but after i went to my boyfriend's new place to help clean up before the big move in. it was dusty, dirty and grimmy but the house looks good. personally, i like it. it's nice and cute and isn't too bad.

and i ended up sleeping over...

so shall we skip those parts? i came home late, sat down with the famous moose drink of banana milk shake, and gin and vodka. so so good but it makes me think which can be a good thing but it's thinking incoherrently.

but i've been talking. that's what we did for part of the night. at least, i think we talked, it was a combination of sleep and talking but it was good. and talking about stuff with my brother and other friends and getting slightly, tired. tired and slightly irritated.

and annoyed. and in need cigerette (yes, i know chris's dad). but i'm still kinda annoyed and upset at her. although it's come past the being upset at her for what she's done. or for what she says she hasn't done and it's now to the point of being annoyed.

that whole, look, i don't pitty you kinda thing. the whole "you annoy me, stop trying to pay me out and leave me alone. i have not interest in persuing this". it's like how some people just dig their hole bigger just cos they can. irritance.

i don't see why some people can't get the point. what's so hard to understand from "just leave me -and my boyfriend- alone?" all has been said, all has been done. fuck off and just leave me alone for a while. i've had enough of hearing this.

seriously, tunning out from this whole "i didn't do it, really, believe me, woe is me" and having my close friends have you complain to them. i really don't care anymore so just leave me the fuck alone. it's as easy and simple as that.

arghety argh argh.

it's like this bite that just itches and won't go away or leave you alone. that's all i ask. for you to just leave it. stop talking to him, stop complaining and just leave my life alone. you're too fucking controlling, too fucking nosey, too fucking irritating. and what's so hard to understand about leaving someone alone?

and i do listen as good as i can. i do live by own advice and if that doesn't comply with your "standards" then fine but that's you, not me. all i want is some time alone. no fighting, no talking, nothing. and what's so hard about that?

uh, i should just stop talking about this whole depressing crap. it not worth it and i have other things on my mind. like yesterday, last night, today. getting caught. wheeley beds and mateing moose documentries. toast. vodka. crazy showers and chocolate sauce and bouncy bits.

man this weekend was so good. and so i sit here, listening to really bad punk music, wishing he was here (or i was there) and thinking about how fucking awesome this weekend was. disobeying my parents. staying out late. talking about stuff and just lying there in his arms.

i was thinking about that too. how awesome this whole thing is. just being with him is so wow. so awesome, so amazing. it's like, every day there's something new to wonder and marvel about. something i didn't know i learn about us.

i dunno, i spose not everyone (if anyone) is really gonna relate to any of it. but it's still amazing. it's just, like nothing i've ever been in before. nothing i've ever lived or experienced. it's wow. i spose it's just, it's like i finally belong. that it isn't just two people getting together cos they have hormones and different fitting body parts.

but it's about us, two people, together because we want to be. because it just feels like it's meant to be. because this is love. because this is forever. because this is where i belong and where he shall always stay. he makes me stare at him and wonder how someone can be so perfect, so wonderful, so amazing, so brilliant, so damn sexy, so truthful and straight to the point.

but fuck it was awesome. and i mean awesome. and now i'm all happy and content and stuff :) yay!

so that was my weekend. sad, short, happy, long, wonderful, exciting, amazing, eye-opening, perfect, brilliant, sexy, dirty.

later days.

you make me laugh sometimes.

the insecurity you show...

the way you think i'm just gonna get over it...

how i can see through your lies...

how ignorant and stupid you are...

the amazing stupidity you show... (i know i already said that, but still...)

how i just want you to acknowledge and stop lieing to me...

it's funny you know. how much you don't realise, and how much i already knew.

(and ben, don't get parinoid, this isn't directed to you)

it's gathering time. well, tis cos i miss the people i havn't seen this holidays and i think a gathering in the park would be awesome. and cos tropfest is coming up.

for those who don't know, tropfest is a short film festival in which 16 films are chosen from that of 700. each year they carry a specific tropfest theme and it usually turns out to be an entertaining night. every year the films get better and it really is an awesome night.

there's picinics and bbq's and again, everyone should come. so here's the details. and DON'T pencil this in. write it in pen a few times over! and this is an open invite.take as many people as you want to. and as for food. you eat what you bring. i might supply a few drinks, some chips. their's usually food stalls there full of wonderful food (yet expensive). alcohol can be consumed at the venue as well (yay!).

anyhow, here's the details:

where: stage 88, Commonwealth Park, Civic

when: Sunday 27th Feb

cost: Free (it's my favourite number)

time: at approximately 7.45pm, the screening commences.

anyhow, everyone should go. cos, well, it's good. and there should be a bbq and games and picinic stuff and a huge gathering of epic proportions cos i miss everyone. so there.

meanwhile...

i'm feeling, a real entry would be good at some point. some point when i'm feeling more motivated and i've actually got something to say.

but meanwhile...

valentine's was good. i got stuff :) i got a rose on friday too. and some underwear :D and a jewlery box and it's so cool and red and awesome (really, it looks so cool) and picture-stuff and a shot glass and yeh :)

twas good fun.

valetines day, although a comercial day of celebrating the day of love (of halmark), it was one of the best days i've had so far.

and i want to leave my job. i'm sick of it *them* i don't want to have to be in bed early or have to get up early on a weekend when everyone else isn't. it's silly and stupid.

anyhow, that's it for me. later days.

i do decree...

trying to figure out how many scuffs you have on the toe of your shoe while you walk doesn't work.

and...

i need a new job.

where shall we meet?
upon the heath to meet with macbeth

if i had a nickle for everytime that screw-ball line came into my head, i'd have a hella lot of nickles.

anyways...

meeting-ness.

well, i was thinking today (and yes, havn't discussed, but this is where you come along) that their can be three main options to this. and i want you all to vote or suggest something else (if you want) at the end. so here we go:

option uno:
meet there. i know we all have awesome meeting skills and it's not really that hard to find us all at times AND we all have mobiles. so was thinking, everyone brings something to eat from their home-country (or just what they want - list on your reply) and we meet about 1/2 an hour before tropfest (ie, about 7ish).

option duo:
meet in civic. meet way before (like, 6.00, 6.30 kinda thing) with $5 to $10 in hand and smoosh it together to make some awesome amount of cash, go to a takeaway place, order something, walk to the park, sit, eat, be merry, talk, then watch tropfest.

option threellio:
go to a movie sometime beforehand. so about 1pm or 2pm head off to civic, catch a flick, walk around, either get takeway for tropfest or bring other stuff, go to tropfest, watch the films.

and now it's your time to vote. also, just wondering if i could have a show of hands of people who actually want to show up and are going to. that's be awesome and i hope to see all of you there :)

i think i just need to stop...

my body is dying.

thankyou to everyone that made it to tropfest on sunday night. those of you who couldn't come, you missed out on one rockin night. it was a majorly awesome time with lots of decent films, wonderful people and great company (it all goes hand in hand).

i'm so glad that what i organised, or kinda put out the word on worked better than i expected. i'm so glad the turn out was so good. although some people that came i didn't want to be there, it was a overall good night. i had fun ignoring the people that needed to be ignored. she knows who she is.

moreover, yes, I’m still pissed off at you. pissed off for lying to me when the truth was blatant. lying to me when she knew what she said. when i knew what she said. i acknowledge that you've taken this on board, but whether you've accepted it or seen it in my shoes is the real question here. i acknowledge that you've got certain "pains" or whatever you want to call it about this 'thing' but you started this, you initiated it, you decided to say those things that you did and nothing i've said nor done actually made you do them in anyway.

meanwhile, in local news, i'm still red. it's turned out smashing. and i dyed my neighbour's hair too. he's in year 10 at radford. he has brown hair and i put lepoard spots in it with manda. then we plucked his eyebrows. oh how we had such fun. pictures shall follow soon :)

anyhow, that's enough for tonight. later days.

biology prac work - done

the rest of it - shit

(kill me now)

you make me sick...

when: 12th march (sat) 3.15 - 9pm

where: civic, electric shadows.

what: movies and gig after for those who are up for some los caps and killing heidi.

cost: about half the price of a normal ticket

why: cos i've got this special deal with work. two-for-one offer with a lovetts crossword stuff and i grabbed a whole heap from work. AND cos i think an outing would all do us good.

what to bring: yourself, something to eat (if you want), a friend (it's an open invite, do and bring whoever and whatever you want).
What is "My House in Umbria"?

NOTE: you don't have to come, it'd just be cool. just like you don't have to come to both. whatever. i just think it'd be cool for everyone to be about again.

you amaze me. you captivate me in everything you do. you're so complex, so many things that i don't know that i discover every day i spend with you. you amaze me in so many ways. it's just, it's wow. you're not just "a guy" or anything, you're someone special to me, someone so amazing i look in awe at your shadow, at every move you make. you amaze me and i'm so happy to be a part of your life. i don't know what i'd do (or be) without you by my side. i love you and want to spend forever and a day with you. everytime i'm with you i just melt in your arms. i love everyday i am with you. you complete me in so many ways. i will always be in love with you.

and just thinking about you makes me forget everyone else. it just singles us out, gives us a world in which to live where their's no other disturbances, no flat-mates, no parents, but a world of perfection. that's what i see every time i look at you, everytime i think of you, everytime i dream of you. nothing could be more perfect that you. than the love that we share for each other. yes, i accept that you have faults, but they look so small compared to the man i've fallen in love with. i am your's forever and forever i shall love you.

moose over and out.

for all those coming on saturday here's the plan:

• meeting at electric shadows at just before 3pm.
• ticket's are half price but i only have 10 so get in if you want them.
• after the movie, it's off to the park for the concert thing.
• if it's shit-house, or we have to pay, i'm thinking it's either take-away or something, we make our own fun.
• dot points are fun.

i think that's all i've got.

all those in favour?

re assignment - check

money - check

pens, pencils - check

white-out - check

underwear - hrm...

i'm so shitted off. not only is the tea room now closed, someone won't confront me. so here's an idea, i'm gonna come to you, and talk to you. if you don't like it, stiff chicken. but i've been hearing all this nasty, nasty shit you've been spreading and frankly, i don't care for it.

i spose i'll do a bigger and better post when i get around to it. we'll see how it goes.

*moose over and out*

WHAT: party + piss-up

WHEN: saturday night + sunday night

WHERE: ben's place, dickson

COST: $10

BRING: money, drink + food (if you want), a sleeping bag

WHY: it's the holidays and it needs to be celebrated.

disclaimer:

just like CJ's dig if you know you're not welcome, don't come. if you don't know if you're welcome or not, call and check with either ben or moose first. please note, if you want extra guests, check with ben first to get the oki. we're allowing rowdy behaviour, *not* extreme stupidity. damages will be paid for from YOUR ass boys and girls. hope to see you there.

inquiries - you all know either ben or my phone numbers. if not, there's always ben or my emails and if not, leave a post on either of our blogs. the system will work.

guess what boys and girls? no more work for mooses. no, she didn't get fired. she got a brand new position :)

following on from her wierd and wonderful jobs, mooses is now a post office/dvd lady at hughes post office.

i feel sexy in my new shirt even though it is too big for me and smells kinda like heaps of spastic plastic :)

i get benifits. i get more pay in less time. i get cash in hand. i get a sexy plastic shirt. and i get free rentals.

it's so cool.

and i'm so psyched for this weekend. i was sitting in legal today just counting down the time til i'm off school and onto partying.

on another note, how do you quit your job without offending anyone?

i have no excuse for what happened. i could try and make them up as i go, but i don't think that's the right way to do it. i'm sorry. i just...

i don't like parties. i told you that. i don't like being around lots of people. it's just something that i don't want to deal with. i don't like what i did, how much i drunk, how much i fucked over our relationship.

and i'm so so sorry.

it was, urg. seriously urg. i didn't feel it was right when the first party started. i didn't like dirnking. i didn't like that many people. it's just, i know you wanted everyone to enjoy themselves and i don't know off hand but i'd say a lot of people did, but i didn't.

i didn't want to drink that much. but i felt that you wanted me too. i don't know what's wrong with me. i can't understand what's happening. i just urg. i just don't.

i want to make you happy. anything you want me to do, i will. i'm sorry i havn't been saying those things as much as i should and i'm so sorry. i don't want this to end. i don't want us to end and i'm sorry,

i'm sorry to you. i'm sorry to everyone for making such a fool of myself in front of you all. i'm sorry to ben for being so fucking stupid. you don't deserve me. if i can't fulfill everything you want, you don't deserve me. you're so onderful and nice, and caring, but i never seem to make you happy. i fail you even though i love you.

i am, a big, fat, mind fuck.

uh, moose is sick. and she got her very first blood test/shove a needle into moose's arm to grab squelchy blood-like-goop out. so now i have this phat bruise. it's the size of my middle finger and as thick. it's so black and purple and so cool.

to other painful news, i got my nipples pierced (just to follow the trend). ben got one of his done too but i spose everyone that went out and partied last weekend kinda knows/saw them all. they look cool. i likes them. and they're shiny ^.^

as for why moose had to get a blood test. mooses is sick. as in, has been sleeping for the past couple of days. why? no-body knows. but the suspision is a fever of some kind. so whoever furging gave it to me isn't sorry... moose will cry :(

mooses glands are swollen so much so she can't even swallow water :( and has decided, it really isn't cool to be sick and woozly and disorientated and stuff. on the plus side, sleeping a lot loses weight ^.^ 5kg of weight in fact. huzzah! good bye christmas fatness!

so yes, that's pretty muich the news of the time-ness-ness-ess...

• sickness for mooses (and boyfriend of moose)
• piercing of nipple(s) (and boyfriend of moose)
• party-ness blah
• christmas fat gone.

btw, has anyone noticed this new msn thingos? so cute and cool and stuff :)

later days.

yay yay yay yay

my brother is home

[my brother is home]

yay yay yay yay

he has dvd's

[and corn chippies]

my brother is home

[my brother is home]

yay yay yay yay

he is so cool

[he is so cool]

cos he got me stuffffffff....

a-yay-yay-yay!

hahahaha. nerdiness ^.^

well, i didn't end up going to Gem's cocktail party. but it got me pondering, what am i going to do for my 18th. something that's different, that people are going to remember.

i don't want to do anything adult like a dinner. i don't want to go bowling. i don't want to have a picnic and we went gigging last year (for all those who actually made it). and i don't want a piss-up in canberra cos well, mersh.

but then the mail came flying through. not very eventful, sure, but in the mail was montana.

montana is our holiday lodge in the snowies. to be more specific, jinders. the cold but cosy ranch that we part-own with pool table, spa, sound system, fully operational office and bar.

then it hit me, have my 18th up at montana.

just a few days up in the mountains with a few friends and there'll still be snow and mooses has never really seen proper snow before (we use it in the summer).

then i looked at the prices for guests $50 per night. mersh. so i was wondering, how many people would be interested in going down to jinders maybe for a night or two?

personally, hoping to spend at least a week down there with a birthday party kinda thing during the day but for those who want to stay the night, i was thinking jinders for my 18th.

cos it's snowy and cool and mad stuff and i've never had a birthday down at the snow. and it would be mad fun right?

i mean, you don't have to come. you can suggest other things to do for my 18th seeing as it is 5 months and 10 days away.

or if someone's got somewhere cooler i can have my 18th. or if we want to couple this 18th with someone elses. anyhow, offer's on the table.

any opinions?

 i've been venturing outside latelly. i feel spesh. from my week of hibernation, i first ventured out on sunday to the local video store. why have i been inside so long? let me explain.

i've been sick. well, my parents believe i've been sick. i've just been tired. so for a week or so, i've been sleeping. i went to the doctor after the starting weekend of the holidays after the party with a sore throat and disorientation, feeling sick and horrible.

after a blood test, a conclusion was made that i had burnt out and had a severe throat infection. oh hoorah. so my parent's have been keeping me inside for a week and a bit. i had not been outside for a week. so we headed down to the video store :)

and then monday, monday i headed to civic and saw many people which was awesome! i love seeing all my friends *and* i got to see ben again. huzzah. then today i got to go out to lunch with my one and only. yay. so sick no more.

still feeling a bit woozy but you get that. but tomorrow, and for the next three days, i shall be at work. doing the secretarial thing. answering phones, electronic filing, data entry, publishing. mersh. and hopefully, getting my cert 1 in IT. huzzah.

and then it's my second last weekend of work. that's right, a moose is quiting. it feels good :)

anyhow, later days.

chris drew me pictures :)
hahaha you missed them fuckers.

having kinky sex in the shower with ben is fun :)

awesome night last night.

shitty day, but awesome night.

fuck the shitty day though. into the night!

drove over to ben's. only ran over a handful of old ladies and bicycle riders. ben opened the door looking all sexy (like he always does. on a tangent, how does he do that? i mean, seriously, whenever i see him, even if he puts no effort in, it's like BOOM! sexy man alert. it's like, wow. you just want to undress him and um... :P). so then we um... thought about dinner and um... watched a movie and after deciding what ingredients, headed down to the shop. hehe, ben's pants kept falling down :) then we had a shower and um...

anyhow, cutting it short, had dinner. mad mad dinner. boys, if you ever want to impress your girlfriends (and i don't mean special hair cuts), ask ben all about it. girls, let me set the scene for you:

candle lit dinner for two with white wine, computers and tv's ignored, blues music playing in the background, eating in your underwear. it was awesome. then half-falling asleep on the couch cuddling and eating strawberry ice-cream.

it was amazing. he is amazing. seriously, wow (bella, thankyou ^.^)

it was paradise. completely took my breath away. the only thing i'd have liked to change, would be me leaving at the end of the night. i would have loved to stay the night, just cuddling on the couch. but no. thankyou mum and dad -.-

and my baby got his tattoo all filled in. it looks very sexy now. i mean, seriously, wow. it looks cool. seriously, everyone should look at it and stare in awe :) very very proud of him. he didn't even pass out ^.^

thankyou baby. you're awesome, sexy, amazing, everything i ever wished for and more. i love you with everything and all.

it's that time of the year again when you just want to escape everyone. sure, you've missed everyone in the holidays, but everything just seems to busy. it's that time of the year when you just want to throw it all in and head off to the coast where no-one will ever find you but still have a relative idea to where you are.

it's not that you don't like people, it's just that, you just don't want to be around the quantity. it's like, you've had enough. you just want to get in the car and drive until you reach the beach, then stay there. no-body knows where you've gone and furthermore, no-body cares. all you have to worry about is yourself.

it's just one of those days. the days when it's just been so shit house you just want to bugger off to the beach and fall into the surf. i feel like getting all salty and wet with the surf. trust me, it's not you, it's just something that i feel needs to be done. escape down to the beach with nothing but the essentials. just one of those things.

i don't know what it is. it's not really anyone, it's just something. i have this weird feeling i need to go. but it's just a feeling. i know i can't go. i know i can't up and leave everything. throw caution to the wind and just go for it. i have school, i have my friends, i have my parents, and i have you. and, it's not something you really do.

tonight, i dream...

yet again, it's just one of those days...

one of those days like many weeks of just wanting to escape from it all. it's probably nothing you're thinking about, nothing you're doing, or maybe it is. moose is just feeling that detachment is a good thing as of late.

it's just something. a phase if you will.

later days.

official property of mr cj (chris, chicken mac daddy, ma biatch & more) but i stole it. hahaha.

what: movie + food.

where: civic - the only meeting place (unless people want woden)

when: sunday, around 1pm.

bring: yourself, someone if you wish, and money for food + movie.

note:

i'm thinking lunch before the movie. but seeing as a shit load of lucky party-goers are fucking off into saturday night, meeting around 1pm in civic at the merry-go-round. um, that's all i've got. if anyone's got any probs, give lory or myself a call.

later days.

 i watched movies last night. or rather, i should back-track...

we had a talk the other day. everyone knows, moose - including a lot of other people - goes to a catholic all girl's school. this is the stupid kind of school that isn't too harsh, but contridicts itself in times of hardship. for example, the battle against lesbians (better known to students as teachers-telling-students-off-for-hugging). so anyways, we had this talk on abortion.

i love how catholics (the moose-school catholics) present no real view but their own. so we get this talk. they bring in, the reverend, a pro-life campagner, and a mother (who, by chance, has been trying with her husband for five or so years and finally had this wonderful baby girl) and we get told bogus abortion methods. i'm sorry, i've researched this. i've asked people who do abortions. this is not the way it is done. i hate it how they try and brain-wash everyone.

anyhow, so we got told how abortion was bad and how those people who have abortions are victimised because they have no other options because the doctors don't give them any and because society doesn't make these available to them. ah, bullshit. how fucking stupid do they want to be or, on the reversal, do they think we are? most, if not all, people i know are aware of the choices and they're trying to convince me otherwise. pfft.

anyhow, so i went away to my local dvd store to rent out the latest phase that included "christians", "pregnancy" and "abortion". what did i come out with? Saved.

Saved. an awesome movie if i must say. NOT. this is one of those low-budget "if only i had a brain" type of movies. but i have to say, this should go on your "must see" list of movies.

saved is a story about a 17 year old catholic girl who is currently dating this really nice guy. she goes to a hard-core catholic school where a paster is the principal. her mom doesn't incourage sex before marriage and she lives according to the bible. but then tragedy strikes. she finds out, her boyfriend, the guy she thought was going to be her life-partner, is gay. so what does any good catholic girl do? decide to save him of course.

but how does one do that? well, she comes up with an answer, she must have unprotected sex with her gay boyfriend to make him like her again and save him in the eyes of Jesus. but what about her virginity? well, there's an answer for that too. she asks for salvation and forgiveness from Jesus and for Him to restore her virginity. the next day, the parents decide to send him to Mercy House (a house for troubled teens to "fix" them in the eyes of God and make them suitable for society by shacking them up in the same room as another rather sexy homosexual).

so she decides that she isn't saved and she hasn't helped her gay boyfriend at all. funny, how she thought she wouldn't get pregnant having unprotected sex, because 20 mins into the movie, we find she's cooking her gay boyfriend's baby in her oven. suprise suprise.

anyhow, i don't want to ruin the end for you. see it. really. it's worth watching. especially the end when her gay boyfriend crashes his friends with the United Nations gay committee because even though he did leave the school at the start of the year, he's decided that he and his friends should be a part of it. even though he's now enrolled in Mercy House.

while you're at it, rent out "sleep over" biggest laugh you'll ever have. notice, these movies both have proms. they both have chicks that "do it for the guys" and are repressed in their school. heck, you could almost find "sleep over" a prequel to "saved". they're both hilarious, low-budget bad american tween movies.

to other news and other movies, "a man's gotta do" has recieved status on my top 10 movies of all time. i've decided to rank it at number 3 "under fight club" and "hidden tiger". you've gotta see this movie. an australian film almost like "the dish" and "the castle" this movie is a classic aussie flick and all i can say is cute. this movie is cute. seriously, go down to your local video store and rent it out. NOW!

to other news, post may be coming soon on self-confidence and worth. we'll see how it's going.

later days.

hehe... today was awesome. suck all those people that had to go to school or work today. suck my monkies :)

thankyou ben for a really really really awesome day. i had sooo much fun ^.^ champion five times over.

so... i finally got the invader zim cd's to work. or rather, i finally stole away the computer and watched invader zim for 5 hours, (2.61 GB for all those out there) last night. oh how it was very very good ^.^ huzzah for zimness.

so a big thankyou to antony this saturday morning. hahaha. that sounds so wierd, saturday morning and i'm not working. no more work for moose. suck on that pot smoking wierdo freak dirty human co-worker who smells like feet.

*dances for everyone*

later days all. moose is off to do saturday morning stuff. yay!

moose hearts GIR

bergh.

wishing you were here with me again.

your's always.

it's one of those nights where all you want is someone to bugger around with. talk on the phone. go for a walk. sit and watch tv. eat doughnuts off your fingers and build cubbies in the living room. but no-one's about. everyone's out or gone away or out for a driving lesson.

it's one of those nights where your head itches for no reason other than to annoy the heck out of you because it's stupid and can. you could have a shower. you could scratch it. but it's just one of those times when you think fuck it, not something you want to be doing right now.

it's one of those nights where you've got homework to do, but really couldn't be bothered. because today, this morning, this week, hasn't meant an aweful lot. school doesn't mean anything, work doesn't mean anything, food doesn't mean anything. nothing does except you.

it's one of those nights where i just want you with me. watching tv. holding me close and laughing at invader zim. or paying out my brother with me. just one of those nights when you're not here beside me and all i feel like doing is being with you. nobody but you.

it's one of those nights where you feel like jumping into a pool without your clothes on just because you can. it's just this thing you feel like doing. this is one of those nights your hungry for different things, all at the same time. it's just something that isn't available to you at this current moment.

it's one of those nights where you walk down to the local supermarket forgetting that it's 8 at night and all stores are closed so you can't have snackage. you really couldn't be stuffed walking home but do anyways because you know, there'll be no-one coming to get you if you don't.

it's one of those nights where you don't really care what you're wearing because no-one's going to see you tonight. no body cares what you wear on the outside. as long as it covers the bruises forming beneith the skin, the bite mark on the wrist, the tear stained eyes.

it's one of those nights where you just want to forget the day, wipe it from your memory and wish these things never happened, but you know they will and do. it's just something that happens. days go like this sometimes. and as mum says, it's no-body's fault but your own.

it's one of those nights where you just want to run off into the night never to be seen again. run away like joseph and tom. run off, never tell anyone where your running to and fly away. go to the coast and sleep under the waves.

it's one of those nights where you just want to run to his house. stay there forever under his sheets. not your's. not anyone elses. just his. it's where you belong. hiden from everything and everyone but him and his sheets. because that's all you want to do.

it's one of those nights where you just want to go numb and fall. but you've forgotten how.

it's one of those nights...

i feel like alice going down the rabbit hole. everything is changing but if people could only see the logic and explain things properlly (art teacher, i mean YOU!) then maybe a moose would get stuff more.

nothing makes sense anymore. you were right christo-poop. nothing is static, everything changes and nobody seems to know the right way to go.

YAY! it's 8 months today. my boyfriend is a sexy sexy sex muffin who is sexy. like muffins. mmmm... muffins. oh how i love you (the ben, not the muffins). moose is content. moose is happy. moose has been above the moon for most of it all and i do believe, a moose shall remain a happy happy sex button.

i love you sexy one. even if you are playing weird games with front bottoms. and i don't think incy wincy spider really did crawl down the pants. but thanks anyway ^.^

my boyfriend is adorable.

my feet smell like peas. to other news... i've been pondering.

i was sitting in the car the other day, thinking about how things have progressed. 15 years ago i was starting pre-school. the great montisorie. the world was just opening up for me. i got my first splinter (i can remember cos it hurt). i remember how amy got swooped by a magpie and half her scalp came off and everyone was screaming. i remember joseph bringing in figs from his grandpa. i remember alex may getting stung by the spit-fire.

then, on my 6th birthday, it was off to primary school. kindergarten with mrs. morgan. 1st grade with mrs marshell. 2nd grade with mrs. telford. then everything just flew by. learning to speak german. learning about the colonial times in year 4. moving to queensland later in year 5. having everyone come screaming up to me when i returned in year 6. graduating with the rest of my year. man that was funny.

i remember how i was on the dance committee. our job was to select the music. spice girls. then it was onto high school. i remember how savana used to always stare at me. she was such a slut. and then it happened, boys. it's not like i was looking for them. they found me. but as soon it started, it ended. then it was onto the moving. i wanted to go. i'll make that clear now. i wanted to go away from deakin. i didn't want to be there. so i moved.

it's just one of those things that you do. so i lost all of my high school friends and moved into the college life. it's kinda scary though. it still feels like the first day of primary school, but it's close to the end. this is it. after this year it's game over. no more moose at college. no more crazy school uniforms. no school-moose. it scares me to think, after this, there'll be no-more tea-room. no more uniform and out into the big wide world. erk.

to other news, i was pondering dark skinned peoples. i don't mean to sound racist, but my brother was talking last night about how his school is a mostly anglo-saxon, white-person dominated school. and i thought about it for a while and came to the conclusion - so's mine. but it wasn't like that. before high school i was in a group of mostly dark-skinned people. sure, there were paled skined people as well, but it was a half and half school. so was high school almost. at least, my group was.

but i was pondering it this morning about this issue. our outing group has no dark skinned people in it. my family has no dark skinned background. not even one (and we've traced back to viking times). i've never kissed a dark skinned person (even on the cheek). i've never worked with a dark skinned person. percieve me as racist, but to me this is just weird. all other minorities (disabled, religious etc) have some impact in my life currently, but it's just weird.

*shrugs*

well, i'm done. abuse me...

NOW.

*cries*

i have a cramp in my leg and it's not going away. it been here for a whole day and i hate it. i want it to go away but it won't and i can't have a bath because it's ick and it hurts. make it go away.

*cries some more*

it's kinda sureal when your brother comes to you and tells you his friend has O.D'd. you never really know what to do...

it's kinda sureal, isn't it? why do we have such a focus on drugs when we become older? maybe because they're readily available. it's like sex. pondering sex and drugs today, it seems to be an increasing trend. little girls i talk to in my tutor are talking about having sex. my good friends, my brother's friends, my friend's parents, there's always something related to either a legal substance or illegal being used irrisponsibly.

i was reading on my Pill brocher today how it can cause cancer and thinking, "this can't happen to me because it will happen to everyone else but me". it's like pregnancy. but the thing is, the risk is still there. there's still that chance you could get cancer, you could become pregnant, you could OD on some pill you've popped. it scares me to see this trend.

i don't like my brother having to go through these things so early. he's only 14. this whole drugs thing and having someone relatively close to me OD has only happened in the past couple of years. but 14. this is the age when one starts realising the possibilities, seeing life, not death. this is too soon and it's a trend that seems to be lowering the age when people are exposed to these situations.

i found out last year my brother drinks. he was 13 at the time. his friend, that OD'd tonight, is only 14. my friend -although it doesn't think it can happen to them- is only 17. it scares me to think, this guy wanted to die tonight. it was his choice, but the scary thing is, how can a 14 year old throw his life away? that's like losing my brother. maybe not to such an extent, but imagine the family.

drugs have become out of hand in our society. the bad stuff seems to be clouding our vision with views of the good it can bring. we're always reassured "it only happens in minimal cases" and "not everyone gets it". but the scary thing is, it happens. tonight, yesterday, tomorrow proves it. my mind is fucking itself over with the severity of this world. it's really wierd but i can't stop it.

it's like the whole pregancy thing. i always get stressed when it's "that time of the month" that i'm going to be late and i stress and stress and stress until it actually comes and them i'm completely relieved. but the scary fact of it being, it could be me. but it's not. it's just scary thinking about those kind of things. you run  through a million answers in your head, but it's always safe at the end. but there's always that possibility that it is.

i dunno. the world is just huge and scary.

later days.

life is officially scarying me. it's turning it's ugly head around to show the ironic parts of life.

my grandad has been worrying about my grandma's health for ages. she gets really sick sometimes. it's not too bad, just a few hospital visits every now and then. but this morning that all turned bad.

it's wierd and ironic sometimes how life can bite you in the bum. how one day you can be making your porridge, and the next, be blacked out on the kitchen floor and all that time you've been worrying about your partner's health. it's just, it wierd and scary.

anyhow, to other news, my feet are cold and i have a headache. and i got to spend some of the day with ben which was majorly awesome. i like huggling. huggling is good ^.^ anyhow...

later days.

my face is sticky, like a stick.

this week *so far* has been less than bitchin. this week has been majorly crap. and i mean, seriously crap. apart from sleeping on the couch cos grandma and uncle rob are down, i've had the crapest week at school. like, major berk.

but no, we shall not mention this, the life of moose has been crap, school sucks, my teeth hurt, i'm sick and run down, but i did get to see benjamin today. one of the only things i look forward too i got to bone benjamin on the lawns of parliament house (score one, moose and ben) which was majorly awesome and long awaited. other than that, life's been really slow. this whole abortion and euthanasia debate at school is really stupid. everyone's using their own personal opinion and you can't debate on that when the opinion will remain unchanged. margh!

anyhow, that's all i've got. later days.

i am somewhat facinated by this sample song on window's media player "Like Humans Do" by David Byrne.

also, i'm shitted off at this thing. i know that once you check the box saying "don't search for new media on my computer you fuckstick of a computer" it doesn't, but the thing is, it does! you have to go into one of those stupid menu bars that you can't reach on this computer cos the fucking screan is fucked because your stupid brother dropped it for some unknown reason and now it's cos this big, black mark in the bottom right corner and now it's gotta get fixed, but you're still using it because you can.

but that's past the point. the point is, because your stupid little brother has broken the stupid laptop screen, you can't access the stupid control panel to the stupid fucking widows media player. and why? i have no fucking idea but it shits me to tears! so you move the fucking widows media player around but because your brother has so much shit loaded onto this computer through a supository system (also called, disk full of porn of which he could stick up his arse if he so wishes), it drags the fucked up pixels along. oh great.

so you work this out. like your art teacher says, you need to do troubleshooting to get where you want to get (wtf is she doing using IT language in an art class anyways?). you get into the stupid control pannel, you tick the boxes ?(and wtf is with these boxes? who the fuck writes that shit? user friendly? i think not). anyways, after this is done, you've done your stuff, played your music, viewed the avi files what have you, close down the computer, the new day comes shinning in your window and you decide to open up the laptop to play that lovelly, strange song you were listening to last night.

so you open widows media player up and instead of one box, you get 20. i shit you not, i opened it up today and i got 20. they're multiplying like iddy-biddy bunny wabbits. and you can't just press enter, no, because then it searches the whole computer for stupid little sounds to clog your machine with. and once you're finished deleting those, it's time to go to bed. window's media player is stupid. so apart from having a crappy day as i don't have documented medical records giving me a higher uai than what i have, and having to think about my future, i have, my stupid, fucking, waste of time widow's media player.

i bet you do the same thing tomorrow when i turn you on too. i bet, you'll have mulitplied into 40 stupid little "would you like us to fuck over your computer for stupid fucking media files that will clog up your system?" fuck you microsoft. you suck monkey penis. i will stick a hammer into your children. repeatively. i hate you.

just a disclaimed, please don't try and give me troubleshoot advice. it doesn't work. as much as i like to think i can handle this computer stuff, i can't. if i don't get this screen fixed, i'll probably end up hitting something with it. hammering in nails or trying to kill other computers with it's half dead carcase. why? because i can. because it shits me. because i will never love it, ever again. but like i ever did.

so, i pose this question to you, what are uses for a laptop (i mean, non computer ones)? and if there's any chance, please provide photographed evidence.

later days.

i'm ontop of the world this morning. even though nassessment's raining down around me, this whole group thing is driving me insane, but today, this morning i'm ontop of the world. and you know why? because my wonderful boyfriend got to sleep over. not in my ben of course, on the couch, but he got to sleep over.

it was so wonderful knowing he was just in the next room and my parents were okay with it all. it was just amazing sneaking out in the middle of the night to have a cuddle. amazing to wake up in the morning and go into the lounge room and for him to be there was just amazing.

to other news, two and a half more weeks and it's 9 months. it's scary but so cool to know that i've found someone who i want to spend the rest of my life with. i know i'm young, but i know the difference between love and lust, the differences within a relationship. this is it. he is the one. my missing puzzle piece. my everything, my always, my anytime.

anyhow, seeing star wars today. so grand. can't wait :) well, that's all i have for now, later days.

take it on the cheek and just get over it all.

i feel kinda sleepy...

but kinda excited...

still kinda sick...

but happy none the less...

this is my brother acting sexy (lick it)...

and my boyfriend (who is the sexiest of them all)...

cept only i get to lick him.

so today, i get this sheet asking me to indicate my prefrenece for my next religion unit. oki, a walk in the park compared to the last unit we studied. however, the units are pretty vague:

• global social justice, beliefs and society
• sacred texts and religious literature
• religion in the arts
• the psychology of religion
• history of the church

ok, great says moose. so hands go up, questions are asked. mainly what's in [put unit name here] next semester? but does the teacher know the answer to this main question? no. instead, we're fobbed off to go check out the BSSS website.

so i get home, click on the site, and look around. nothing. searched for about an hour, still nothing. went through site map, went through the search engine. perhaps i'm just plain blind, but i just can't find individual discriptions of the units on there (like we were told).

*sigh*

well, back to reading about a stupid english movie that's way too grotesque for me. later days.

scanning other private school's websites within canberra. now, i'm just curious, but has anyone realised, from an aerial view, radford almost looks like two but-cheeks. or testicles with a "special" penis. or breasts...

later days.

oh, and just a side note, has anyone realised how clares looks like a penis from aerial view?

and i found my boyfriend! can you spot him?

once upon a time, there was a moose. and she was tired. so she went to bed. the end.

i'm flying to brisbane tomorrow...

well, not literaterally. in a plane...

huzzah for brisbane!!!

note: i know i'm a dickhead and i know i have pimples. humour me.

I learnt how to use a jigsaw today (power tool one). I feel pound. Oh, and Brisbane was good and fine. Heaps of fun. Um, went to the Step to the Future forum and listen to six different speakers attended by six different schools from all over Brisbane. So these speakers gave their views on life, how they've tackled differing obstacles presented to them through life and how they got to where they are today.

Speakers included well noted Robyn Moore who, as seen at Year 11 Conference, gave us an insight into the extraordinary things you can achieve within your life to become a leader. Additionally, she spoke to the group about the power of laughter, self-determination and words.

Another speaker to the forum was Dr. Ken Winshaw, the co-founder of Care Flight. He spoke to the group about making clear plans with goals and a set out way to deal with the problems we need to overcome and to achieve these goals.

However, the most noted speaker of the day was undoubtedly John Coutis. Born with a birth defect making his legs almost numb, John has been bullied all of his life and has faced both physical and psychological hurdles presented to him and has overcome them all.

He had the crowd captivated jumping between Politically Correct to shocking lines. This guy had to be the coolest of them all and although his talk included a lot of humor (a shit load), his message came clear to all:

"Life wasn't meant to be easy, but it wasn't meant to be hard either. Get up, off your bum and have a go. You've got to spend your life like it's $50 and spend all the change."

Throughout the day, the speakers challenged us to be all we could be, to accept the challenges and ask ourselves, "What can I do to improve my future, to be all that I can be and achieve all that I can". They urged us to believe in who we were, our goals, and everything we can become.

What I'm essentially getting at is, these speakers were heard by the audience and absorbed by all. There was a speaker to suit everyone's interest, which really made the students listen to what was being said because they were willing to listen.

This forum was different from Year 11 Conference in that instead of stepping back into our little friendships groups and back to our cabins, we stepped out into the street. It was amazing to walk out of the forum and walking through the city, being confronted by humanity and being able to apply the points and ideas made within the forum.

Another difference being, that we were presented six different pathways, how people have achieved the goals set down to get there and everything that has now been open to them. Additionally, we were encouraged to interact with other students to share and hear their views on the talk.

It was a heaps mad day. And even better was, I got to spend the day with my dad which is something I don't get to do that often (yes, I know he lives in the same house, but we don't have those dad and moose talks that we used to when I was a little moose). It was just a really awesome day.

I got to help my dad out by being there, being presentable and polite which was really coo (I know, doesn’t sound cool, but it makes my dad proud). It also gave me an opportunity to decide what I want to do in life, the goals I need to set and how I’m going to tackle those goals one by one.

Oh, and I bring you pictures of my door. lookiiii:

yes, i drew and painted it myself. just thought i'd share. later days.

my father always taught me to follow things through as does my mother. however, today i went fooie to that. today, i quit biology. that's it. no more for me. and what's more, i think i'll quit IT while i'm at it. and you know why? because biology smells and IT is just a load of poo.

to other news, totally bugged my RE exam. absolute waste of time. crap crap crap. and y'know why? because i ran out of time. that's right. part two came about and i realised i only had about 15 minutes left. that's fine says most, there's enough time to put together 300 words on euthanasia to all of those NO THERE IS NOT!!!

it was great. i felt wonderful. and to top it all off, ms.b pretty much failed me in my last art assessment. fuck. on a higher note, i've ranked 5th of the 12 students in art :) and my uai's looking a shit load better of which i'm jumping off roofs about. yay! so that's me today. school. bergh. um... maybe update later. much later... we'll see.

later days.

today's the day :)

check it out @ revelry mad stuff (no really, check it out)

watcha think?

oh god :( i feel like such a monster. i'm sorry for forgetting our aniversary. i know it was three days ago but i had exams and was busy. please forgive me.

happy 1 year blog.

so i dyed my hair today. it's looking swanky. i also painted my nails. i feel bitchin. tonight shall be grand. um, nothing really to report on. i need to pluck my eyebrows and pick out stuff to wear...

so excited ^.^

well, it's been fun. i can say that much. purgatory 's night was awesome. got smashed off my knut, went crazy driving with bella (before i got smashed off my knut), mad out with ben, walked around in my underwear and moose coat the morning after. twas great.

and silencingshorty 's was great too. bit irritated that someone didn't show up. but it was a good night none the less. a good wind-down party which was majorly awesome. had lots of mellow fun and just made my start to the holidays awesome.

thankyou muchly cj and shorty. awesomeness.

as for the rest of my holidays, who knows? but for the next three days, i'm gonna be in goulburn doing the driving course there. mad fun :) and i get to spend three days with my grandparents which will be majorly awesome cos they're absolutelly insane.

so just for all, i get back thursday, and then friday is ben's party. so can't wait. RSVP for all those canberra based people @ revelry  hurrah! so can't wait.

anyhow, later days.

so psyched, back today, party tomorrow. had the best time. um, but just letting you know that i'm back. hurrah.

i desire to crawl up into a ball and fall asleep. this little moose is feeling rather cold and berki and tired and sick.

*shivers*

and there is no peppermint tea left. oh dear. whatever shall i do now...

so i got a call from my old boss at the newsagency today telling me i had uncollected pay. and then i asked if there were any jobs around. and he said perhaps. but do i really want another job there? or do i want to do a resume drop and get my arse into gear and get a nice, proper job.

i mean, don't get me wrong, i love the people there, and i'd love to work there. but i'd also like to work somewhere different, somewhere in a mall. like a bookstore or the movie theatre. but i've just got to get my bum into gear and do it.

meanwhile, this new/old job looms in the air. i have to see him tomorrow but what am i going to say?
"i'll have a sit on it and get back to you"
"sure, but maybe"

i just don't know how to go about all of this. i spose we'll just have to wait and see until tomorrow comes.
tonight, i'll work on my resume (done), talk to my parents and ponder.
tomorrow, get dressed up all pretty like, go see my old boss, hand round some resumes, go to lunch and a movie, and have another ponder.
the days following, who knows?

additionally, thinking of earning a bit of extra money here and there by making up or doing resumes. drop me a line or send me an email or something if you're interested.

furthermore, there's a possum on my roof. or two. i can here them or it or the its running about. god they sound fat. then again, i'd hate to hear what i'd sound like ontop of my roof. probably a lot worse. berghi. stupid hormones and female berki berkness.

later days.

This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments & grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I can live, it is my privlage to do for whatever I can.

I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for it's own sake. Life is no "brief candle" for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it onto future generations.

George Bernard Shaw

i was told by my brother the just a few minutes ago that one of my friends from high school is pregnant. not a big suprise seeing as i had the better half of a public school education, but then he told me who it was and my mind is gone. it's like this big fat mind fuck. and you know why? because she's catholic.

i don't mean to be discriminatory, but wtf? i spose if you have no idea who this person is, you'll have no idea what i'm tlaking about, but it's like, wtf? the wierd thing is, she's my age. we went to the same primary and high school together. we used to walk home, have the same classes, go to the same church, everything.

it's just... a mind fuck.

i spose it's oki, cos she's been in this relationship for about 3 or so years, and she's catholic, and i spose that makes it alright in her head. but still, she's my age. it just seems weird or wrong to me that she's 17, getting married and having a planned child. what's even weirder is, they're having this child before their marriage.

maybe it's just me, but it kinda makes my stomach all squirmy.

sigh

to other news, i got to talk to Blinky Bill the other night and find out how to become a voice over artist. now that was exciting. and i feel the need to get piss-blind-drunk at the next party. and that's all i've got. later days.

it's one of those days where it just seems so overly hectic even though there's nothing on.

it's one of those days that things are planned, plans go on paper, paper turns to pixals, but you really can't be bothered doing anything about it.

it's one of those days where you should have a shower, but you slap on some clothes anyways and greet your nanna and pop for lunch through your filth.

it's one of those days you just want to crawl into bed with someone warm and special and just read a book.

it's one of those days when you want to turn on the radio and hear someone request an easy melody made only for you.

it's just one of those days you wish the earth would stop turning so your head could stop spinning and then you could dance.

• rank top of the class for legal, english, relgion and art.
• spend more time studying
• no skipping of classes
• complement more
• worry less
• live more
• loose 10kgs
• take better care of myself, my friends and my family
• be more thankful
• look at the brighter side of life
• stop being grumpy and moody and female
• be more accepting

i'm back.

the food sucked.

the place sucked.

camp really sucked.

bruisy bruisy barf vomite.

and i missed you...

a lot.

i feel ill. like vomitte up all the wonderful contents of my stomach ill. i went to the doctor today. 5kgs lighter since saturday is not a good sign. so they've told me i have a viral infection in my wind pipe. how does one even get a viral infection in their wind pipe? the great news is, this will continue for a week or so. to try and combat this, i've been given cough medicine, antibiotics and a wide range of panadole.

oh, did i mention it's sided with the flu? i feel so sick. moose will be away for a week or so. if symptoms continue, please visit your doctor.

oh, and i want to see art works and pictures and photos from all of you.

after hoping my mum's friend didn't spy boyfriend and i um, "christaning the couch for the third time", or in the shower later after the discovery of the little white clothes bag she dropped off for my mum, i find comfort in yogurt...

omg! just came back from the year 10 formal, taking pictures, bitching about the dresses and the dates. it was so much fun. so anyways, just to embarrass un-named people, some pictures below...

cj and brit (they look so cute ^.^)

the wierd chick...

latiffa in her "home made" dress + friend + ugly people in the background

britany looking sexy with friend (love brit's necklace + hair)

bella looking sexy with her friend (in a really hot dress)

note: if you want, photos will be taken down on request. additionally, they're available on my msn space @

http://spaces.msn.com/members/imaginarymoose/

later days.

i want to go to sleep tonight, and when i wake up, i'll be five again and not have to deal with all this "life" business. i miss being young.

i miss being able to finger paint in art and be praised for it instead of shunned. i miss taking naps in the afternoon and dreaming with wonder.

i miss puddles. i miss crayons. i  miss being able to eat whatever i wanted, whenever i wanted. i miss not having to deal with responsibility or uni courses or if i'm eating right and doing the right things.

i miss smelling like playdo. i miss eating playdo and thinking everything in the world is just dandy as long as playschool's still on in the afternoons. i hate the news.

i miss being able to listen to the wiggles and not be laughed at.

i miss drawing with all my imagination, not the scraps i piece together left over from a brain filled with legal junk, english and religious crap and bits of gossip.

i miss not having to deal with adult problems. i don't want to get old, grow up and have a family.

i hate that now days, everyone judges you, everything you do, everything you say, the slightest action can spark the biggest rumours and the shitty thing is, you didn't even know that you'd done them in the first place.

i miss not having to be responsible for my actions.

i just want to be five years old and back in the sandbox.

i feel like i should write something witty and thoughtful... but y'know, i really couldn't be bothered.

hey y'all.

seeing as the my magical mobile phone has magically dissappeared AND turned itself off and is refusing to come out of hiding, my new number is:

0418626022

send me an sms or leave your number in the comments or email me at:

porcupine.porridge@gmail.com

additionally, seeing as my wonderful number had all my magic numbers that telstra magically can't find because i'm not on a plan, can whoever reads this *who i know kinda* send me there's?

well, later days.

well, that's it. i'm back and so gawd damn tired.

for all those that don't know, i went to melbourne yesterday, went to a wedding, went shopping, got hit-on by my half-cousin (his mum divorced my uncle and he looks like a rodent), got hit-on by new in-law cousins/uncles/things and friends of the bride and groom, and then *finally* flew back this morning.

upside:
it was good. i really like weddings. the priest kinda made me realise about a fair few things, confirmed some stuff. my new cousin-in-law jo looked so sweet in her dress and all the boys wore sexy kilts (maybe some up-the-skirt pictures later).oh! and shopping!

downside:
getting hit on by my very very drunk cousin and having to look after his drunken arse for an hour. oh, and getting up at 5am to come home to canberra. that sucked. and old people on the plane (old people + confined space = pong). and i checked for a bomb (to think, me, a terrorist. pfft). and getting told i had to dance with all of the groomsmen. but i spose that's kinda an upside too ;)

other than that, my hair smells like plane food, i'm tired off my knut and am feeling rather spent.

later days.

moose is loose
moose is reborn
moose is resting up after being bested by a way
moose is camping
moose is?
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moose is wearing white
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moose is a moose
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moose is loose"
moose is loose volume 2
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moose is the greatest hero in america's history
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moose is loose" tee
moose is loose by leander kahney
moose is still loose
moose is loose sitering
moose is reborn by bob kelleher minnesota public radio november 23
moose is loose cabin
moose is a harsh mattress
moose is here
moose is awesome by stargo22 aug 22
moose is awesome by skier24 aug 22
moose is the weary part of the day the graceful bull moose is wading out into bogs
moose is loose search for another travel bug released
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moose is loose 5km registration form saturday
moose is verhuisd zoals u waarschijnlijk al heeft gemerkt is moose verhuisd
moose is the largest moose in the world and can weigh up to 1
moose is cozy
moose is standing next to your house or car door?
moose is worth at least 50
moose is in the seventh house
moose is as big as mine
moose is loose"
moose is an indian word meaning "eater of twigs" and tends only to be used by north americans to describe alces
moose is an abuse case
moose is from the algonquian indian word meaning "twig eater
moose is loose volume 3
moose is 40 inches 15 points
moose is thought to be from "mus" or "moos" of the algonquian
moose is good food?
moose is a magnificent creature that is very wary
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moose is back
moose is a cartoon that regularly appeared in the university of alberta student newspaper the gateway from 1989 to 1999
moose is just a normal moose
moose is active throughout the day
moose is just sure will add the perfect finishing touch to your cabin or lodge
moose is the common name for the largest member of the deer family
moose is a black labrador retriever born on may 23
moose is above the fowlersville falls bridge
moose is "moose"
moose is based on tooth development and wear
moose is the world's largest member of the deer family
moose is one of the east's classic rivers
moose is at hand please double
moose is large with an overhanging upper lip
moose is the largest member of the deer family cervidae
moose is a strange blend of timidity and potential unmatched fury
moose is the next generation of simpack which was initiated in 1990 for providing a general purpose toolkit of c and c++ libraries for discrete
moose is an important source of food
moose is the largest living member of the deer family
moose is to see if it has antlers
moose is in a bit of a bind
moose is available for $10
moose is the coolest gift on the planet
moose is identified by its size
moose is known by different names
moose is thought to be from "mus" of the first nations algonquin family of languages
moose is a real converstation piece
moose is six and three fourths to nine feet long
moose is on the loose in alaska
moose is a real or imaginary friend
moose is solitary in summer

find out what, who, where or when you are at:
http://www.googlism.com

Art essay today. I so feel like skipping and going back to bed. I should. I'm tired and this really isn't the day to get up and do some stupid dumb-ass essay in an hour and a half in a vain hope to get the full 20% I'm aiming for. 700 words to give an opinion on whether or not painting's dead by giving 2 painters and 2 photographers as an example, important quotes from all 4 artists and show influences in the realm of art from the 19th and 20th centuries.

Phuck that.

And to top it all off, I got to bed at 1.30 am. So what some may say? The fact that I've been getting to bed at absolutely stupid hours in the morning due to homework and assignments is what. I know they don't really matter in the long run, but I just want to do well. Finally pass something for once AND get one of those cool awards at the end of the year.

Sigh.

So, this weekend -

• English oral - script and annotated bibliography w/powerpoint
• Legal notes -  200 words by friday
• RE research - for the oral due soon
• Tertiary Open Day - All day saturday

Phuck this. Back to bed for this little moose.

later days.

nothing like that you sick fool. mooses just changed her hair colour is all. and now, all hair is shiny.

To go to Palm Cove in January or not asked father to me this evening.

But why? I asked.

For we are going to go. He answered.

Oh. Um, I don't think so. I might go to the coast with friends. I'll get back to you on that one. I replied.

I have to book by tomorrow.

Oh.

------------------------

If I don't go on this trip, it will be the first family holiday without my attendance. It comes into calender with when Ben wants to go see his parents. Marghness. Well see, talk about it. Dance a little and ignore it til maybe it'll go away.

Additionally, Big Day Out falls near or on my Mum's birthday. This will be cutting it close...

Sleepy kinda night. Suddenly, over the past week or so, everything has somehow become boring and medicore. Maybe I'm just tired. That would be it.

G'night.

So, last night, decided to go out to dinner with a few friends. Had the stereo in my room pumping out some 'gurge, jumping around to the beats, doing the really embarassing dancing-in-the-mirror thing that you hope nobody ever films. Anyhow, so jumping about and I jumped right onto a needle.

Not any kind of needle (and not a syringe), but a sewing needle. One of those really big ones you use for sewing really stupidly heavy things. But moose didn't notice until the second jump. And then the pain began to start. After jumping about on one foot for a few seconds going OOOWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE...

Finally collapsed on my bed, got the tweezers and pulled this fucker out of my foot. Lo and behold, it went blunt edge in. So apart from the pain, the blood and some more pain, it's scrapped all over the bone in my foot and now it's swollen.

This truelly, has to be one of the most stupidest things a moose has ever done. Later days.

Had a fucking awesome time last night. All those people that didn't come, you missed out big time. It went fucking ape-shit. It was so fucking good. Oh, and if I've done anything impromtue or bad or naughty that I really shoudln't have done, let us never speak of it again.

To other news, my foot's improving. I can move my toes a little more but it's still swollen. There should be a party on next weekend too which'll be awesome. And my little baby brother's turning 15 *sigh* Oh how they get old and smelly so fast.

Anyhoo, that's all I've got. Later days.

The final day of AST today. One big fat 2.5 hour essay. Phuck that for a joke - I wanna crawl back into bed.

There's this littel voice of reason inside me that switches on for a conversation every time I begin to think about what I'm going to do next year and for the rest of my life. I always seem to decide art is for me. Bach of Arts is it. This is something that I'm going to study for me because I can't come up with anything else. But the little voice questions this.

"But why?" it says.

And I always answer "I don't know. 'Cause I want to"

It then makes one of those huffy old-people sighs and says "but what are you going to do?"

To silence it out and stop me from worrying too much, the reply is always "I don't know. I'll figure that out when I come to it"

One day I'll get that voice in my head. I'll get it good. But for now, luckily, it just goes away.

I feel kind of naughty but in a way, I spose I need to confess to the general public about my crime.

So, the other day I went on a mission to get Ben's razor and toothbrush and inside-ness of his food-cupboard and the fridge-ness belongings of Benjamin back from his old place at Dickson. Decided to start on the fridge first (as any hungry Moose does). Sarah crawls out and I pass on the message that Benjamin needed his black laptop back. Anyhoo, to cut a long story short, she starts questioning and bitching and rah rah rah.

So I excuse myself and go to the bathroom to grab his toothbrush and razor and make a run for it out the door. Being pissed off well, I kind of grabbed her razor too. I feel sort of evil but on another level, kinda cheeky. I know it was petty revenge, but it's still kind of funny. For the next week or until she can afford another razor, she's gonna be as hairy as all hell. Mwahahahaha.

Oh, and browsing the web, I found this:

Mmmm... Chewable razors with Vit C!

Later days.

I got a visit today from my ex boyfriend. My second boyfriend to be exact.

It was wierd.

It was strange.

He's just...

Very different. He's changed so much and well, we hadn't spoken for about 3 years and as it is when you haven't spoken to someone for 3 years, it was very very different.

He wants to catch up again.

Strange.

She's a little fatty fat mouse and I love her so.

She's 5 weeks old *awwww*

Oh, and I put it down Benjamin's shirt earlier and he screamed and giggled and couldn't get it out for ages. And it was in his ARMPIT!!! And then we couldn't find it and we'd thought we'd lost it but now it's found.

Next place to conquer: the pants.

My fatty little mouse gave birth last night. I'm so proud. I came out this morning and it was like "Squeeky squeekness" and I was like "wwwwhhhaaatttt. Morning. Yes. OOHHHh!!! Pink mini-jelly beans!".

Anyhow, it had 6 little meeces. They're so cute. But I don't want to touch them yet 'cause I might kill them. They're soooo tiny (think half a jelly-bean kinda size - so cute). And they're hairyless!!!

To other news - nothing. School's blah. Blahdy blah blah. This is all.

Later days.

I never thought we'd get so far (well, I knew, in a way, but well, yeh). Happy 1 year. 12 months. 365 days. I've loved you each and every one of those days and will continue to. I love you sexy man-child-boyfriend. Always.

Well, it's happened. I'm finally 18. Hurrah! Finally legal. But I feel kind of sad. No more cheating the system and going clubbing under-aged. No illegal drinking under-aged.

*sigh*

But still! I am 18 :P I feel so excited I'm almost jumping out of my seat :)

So, went clubbing for the first time *legally* last night. It was fucking good fun. Started off at Mooseheads then ended up at Academy. Fuck that was fun. It went absolutely off! And I started a mosh in Academy (believe it or don't, but it happened. Yes, I'm am the drunk, drunk Jesus mark 2 - I can walk on water and command a mosh with a fist in the air).

Disappointed in everyone that didn't come. Thanks to the people that did (CJ, Anaka, Matty + bf). To tell the truth, I was a tad bit upset. I mean, I'd sent around sms's, put it on the net and only 5 people came. wtf's with that? Oh well, I had a shit load of fun with or without you. Can't wait til the DofE people come back from Long Trip though. Finally have a real birthday dinner and later rock out with my cock out (lol).

To other news, check revelry for more information on goings on.

Later days.

I have to get a filling today.

Do I want this filling? NO

Did I ask for this filling? NO

Did I ask for the stupid fucking lecture about diet afterwards? NO

But on the topic of diet and dentist, since when does my dentist have a right to tell me what to eat, to set out a "healthy eating" regime? Throughout my life I've been taught that dentists fixed teeth, and were qualified to do so. I'm a bit shocked now that dentists are now a two-in-one service. They can fix your teeth AND be your dietitian at the same time. I'm already on a diet, why is it that I need to be on another one?

wtf's next? They're now going to be trained paramedics? Shoe sales men? Oh! And on the topic of sales... He is one. A money hungry theiving little bastard that like to sell my parents stupid teeth products. Tooth Mouse, special toothbrushes, candy flavoured toothpaste, different coloured floss. I'm suprised and kinda wierded out.

To other news, had the best weekend. Got to do whatever I wanted, saw Ben 99.9% of the time and it was just fucking awesome.

Oh! And going out this thursday and you'd all better come!

Anyhow, that's all I've got for now.

Later days

That's right, I got a letter from Henry. And it totally brightened my day/holidays (apart from seeing Benjamin of course). It's a sweet as letter! I got a map of Las Vegas and a really long letter and a card and two badges (one has a monkey that his friend drew and another says "I am loved" in Japanese and they've been pinned to my school blazer) and I  got a centennial calender from zymo research and a shell necklace (which I'm gonna wear heaps cos it looks damn cool) and a little silver pendant of Mary from France, and a bus map of where Henry works and stuff and lots of pictures of France and Rome and stuff.

IT'S FUCKING AWESOME!!!

So can't wait to show everyone! Seriously guys! This has to be one of the best presents I've got so far. Thanks heaps Henry! You rock my socks :D

The dentist made me cry...

My face is still numb after 4 hours. And yes, my face. Well, half of my face because the stupid dentist couldn't get his hand to stop shaking when he kept jabbing the needle in. Who cares if the little chicken in the chair can't stop crying because it hurts so much? Who cares if we start opperating even when the stupid anesthetic doesn't work? It's not their mouth.

Yay for crappy crappy research essays and homework in the holidays.

Berki. I feel sick :(

Both homework and annoying panflute music make me want to puke.

Later days.

Food for thought care of: wendyinchicago

Tonight's topic: Belly Button Lint

Oki, there are two main theories of belly button fluff or lint (bbl).

1. In where Peter Johnson and Geoffrey B.Scott from the Dept. of Pathology at the Uni of Aberdeen observed that
   "abdominal body hair tends towards the umbilicus, as roads to Rome. It is our contention that particles of Lint caught in this bristly trap are cast navelwards under the influence of body movement.
2. This leeds us to our second theory in where Michael Beisecker came up with the theory that the process invloves fibres leaving clothes and being funnelled to the belly where they turn into bbl. Additionally, he says, hairy bellies are associated with more bbl possibly because the ammount of hair maximizes this.

Another theory given by comedian Wil Anderson of Australian The Glass House hosted on ABC is that the body is a colour hating creature and that it expels them through the nearest orifice. ie; green snot leaves via the nostrils, brown faeces (or whatever) leaves via the anus, yellow urine via the urethra and blue bbl via the belly button.

However, through my own studies I have to go with the first theory - tunneling. The colour of underwear is where your bbl comes from. See, the public hair channels this bbl from your nickers to the chosen spot of your underwear. How do I know this? Well, dear chaps, I've experimented!

By wearing different coloured undies on said days (Red for Sunday, Blue for Monday, Black for Tuesday, White for Wednesday, Green for Thursday, Yellow for Friday and Purple for Saturday) I have come to the conclusion that it does travel in that little tunnel of pubes.

How did I eliminate this problem of bbl (seeing as I have a piercing and it just doesn't look cool)? Shave a line in your tummy pubes cutting off that line to your nickers. I have found in my studies that this is the only way other than walking around nude.

Later days,

Professor Moose.

That's right lads, gents and ladies, you've heard it correct. The Number One Christian Porn Site. I hear you saying wtf? Dear moose shall explain...

It's the first day of school today and well, I was late. So walking to school listening to the radio inside my phone when triple J presenter "The Doctor" announces his new favorite porn site, http://xxxchurch.com

This made me trip over in suprise. Was this true? They were now listing porn sites on the radio? wtf? So I just had to check this one out when I got home that afternoon.

OMG! I just can't stop fucking laughing.

Oki, what this site is all about is stopping porn sites. And not only porn sites, but the industry AND masturbation. Do they have any scripture to back this up? Well, no, not really. There's rather, different stories, hatemail, why, who and where's. They even have podcasts! But no real Christian reason to back this up.

So in my search of this website I found the XXXChurch store. Now, if you haven't read this it states:
"Welcome to the official X3store. It's a place you can buy all of the official XXXchurch propaganda and support the ministry all at the same time. So whether you are looking to pick up some new duds or looking for that special gift, the X3store has something for you."
But where do these procedes go? All that we're informed of is "supporting the ministry" but how? This sounds like a money hungry little organisation. Or should we call them a cult?

Surely, masturbation in a safe environment in harmless. So I travelled over to the facts page. That's funny, a lot of info about the growth of the porn industry, some nasty facts about the porn industry, some more facts about the porn industry, but I see no statistics about why masturbation is bad. Hmm... I smell cult.

Then this last piece grabs my attention: "Save the Kittens"
wtf? Again I say to myself. So click goes my little mouse button.

Oki, if you haven't been sent this (no, it's not the picture, something much better), you've got to see it. I don't think it's been out for too long, but watch it right to the end:
http://www.jukeboxed.com/x3/kittens.wmv

And ontop of that, they've even brought out a rap song about Saving the Kittens. I'm sorry, cute, cuddle, but God isn't really going to kill one everytime I masturbate. If God killed a kitten everytime you and I did something naughty there wouldn't be any kittens left.

Anyhow, that's all I can muster tonight. Check out the site if you want. Fucking funny shit.

Later days.

Margh! I have a pimple! And it's big and horrible and no, I did not fiddle with it, it's just there. I left it there and now it's huge!!!

*cries*

Well, yesterday was fucking awesome. Fuck you to everyone that didn't actually show up that said they would (you know who you are and you'd better have a fucking good excuse to why you didn't come. Like you died or something).

Anyhow, thankyou to everyone that turned up. You made the day that much better so thanks heaps :D Yesterday had to be the best day ever thanks to everyone showing up and hanging out. It was just nice, and lazy and exactly what I wanted.

To other news, margh - assignments. And I have my third driving lesson at four (wish me luck). Other than that, nothing new.

Well, later days.

I feel so evil tonight...

So, we're sitting at the dinner table and the little "mistake" of a brother has already gotten in trouble from Dad for not doing his chores and what's more, blatently lieing about it and yelling at Dad and so on and so forth. Anyways, so he gets angry at me because I told him that Mum should have had an abortion instead of give birth to him.

So, he decides to do the whole "well, you're fat". Oh little should-have-been-aborted boy, you made a big mistake there. See, I don't really care about my weight to such a great extent that when someone calls me fat, I can proudly say, "well, I exercise in the time I have, I eat the recomended doses - not too much fat, not too much sugar etc" and therfore I don't really care anymore, except when I'm feeling a bit tired and sick and have dwelled over the fact that maybe that chocolate bar wasn't such a hot decision after feeling sick over it.

Anyhow, from the "well, you're fat" statement comes the retort (from me), "at least I didn't break the pumpkin".

Some history here:
The "pumpkin" is the sacred ceramic pot that mum and dad got ages ago. It sits in our kitchen and looks cool. It's like that notch in the wood that's always been there.

Bad mistake number two.

Anyhow, mum and dad looked shocked so he tries to put it on me. Hahaha, bad mistake number two - trying to frame the wonder child when shit-child (little brother) has already shitted off dad. HA! Then he tries to recover as mum and dad look at him funny by saying "well, now you're just going to call me a drug dealing loser. Aren't you? Because that's what I am!"

Bad mistake number three shit face.

Here I am, just sitting there, having all this said around me, just nodding when he gets all flustered and goes "You just don't care anymore, I hate you all!" and stomps off to his bedroom. So off  Dad goes and a little while later there starts the yelling and the "she's evil", "you hate me", "shut up boy" and then the crying. My brother is a wuss. Seriously, when I was his age, the only crying I ever did was to get my way. You could tell that it was fake but they didn't care. This crying on the other hand, was not fake.

Bad mistake number four dick wadd.

Trying to use my way of getting out of trouble is not the way to go for any little brother or something that gets on my mum or dad's wrong side. That's mine and yes, I get shitted if they use it without the permission of me. So, I play the "I can't believe you let him call me fat after I've been working so hard on keeping to my diet" routine. It works every time.

So here I sit, telling you this now. Moral of the story: don't fucking cross me if you're trying to shit me over at my own dinner table. This is my house little brother.

Hey all,

As you might know by now, Ben and I are collecting those Neopets that are now available in Happy Meals at Maccas. Anyhow, this is just a general call out to anyone that has one, or gets one, or knows of someone that doesn't want their's to send them over my way.

See, the plan is, this Christmas Ben and myself will be heading up to see Mum and Dad mark 2 and Noodle (Ben's little sister). Noodle absolutely loves these little Neopets (and at her age, who didn't) so the plan is, we're aiming for about 100 of these little toys just for Noodle. So far we have 15 but we really need your help.

So yeah, if you could send some our way (or allert us to some) that'd be awesome. Thanks,

Moose unt Ben

Bloop bloop bloop.

So, getting ready for the Halloween/Just-cos party. I can't really decide if I should dress up or not 'cause some people aren't and some people are and it's just rather confusing. Anyways, I'm coming in constume. And bringing alcohol for myself and Benjamin whcih is going to be fucking awesome.

To other news, school sucks. I have this 40% report due and it's fucking hard. Seriously, if anyone wants to write this for me, go ahead, I'm so over it. Other than that, nothing's been happening. Update on revelry to come soon.

Later days.

Oh, and btw, I NEED YOUR MCDONALD'S NEOPETS!!! The promo has finished and well, I just want to go up to the coast to see Noodle with a shit load of them. Hopefully Anne-Marie has some tomorrow morning. Later days.

This is not a day I want to repeat anytime soon.

I GOT MY P'S DOODY DOODY DEES!!!

And this is what I'll be running all of you over in:

Berki is the colour of Moose today. Maybe I'm just feeling a tad under the weather as a cause of stupid body-ness, or I've drunk too much water, or I've done too much exercise or whatever but I just feel sick.

My tummy is queezy, I feel dizy and disorientated and I have this berki cramp in my leg from last night (yes mum, I was wear my "silly" shoes). I want to vomitte, but my doctor told me it's really bad if I do (something about medication being rejected) and that's really not what I want.

I hope this is a passing phase.

To other news...

I drove for the first time on my P's today. So yeh, it was still with a full licence holder (my grandparents) but that's hoki. I made dinner for the second night running too which is awesome. And other than that, school sucks. And I need to change the battery on the car. Perhaps before school...

To tell the truth, I don't really care if this goes either way. But at the end of the day, if I'm still getting treated like dirt, I'm gone. That's it. All over red rover. I'm just sick of having to sarcome to your stupid ways.

You know this is never going to last...

These holidays are beginning to look very, very expensive. I hope I can get cheap flights to where I want to go...

Additionally, so fucking tired. Stayed up til 2am last night babysitting and finishing off my legal report. Now all I've got to do is write it up and do my English Creative and that's it. I'm done for the term. Fuck I hope the end comes soon. So fucking buggered.

Oki, so legal studies is now finished

*thank God*

Now all I've got left is this English one. Only, I haven't left myself enough time. Oki, so I've only got 300 words to write, but then I've got to write it into the book, make it look pretty etc etc, but I really couldn't be fucked. I'm just not in the mood to do dainty little drawings of pigs and spiders. Margh.

The olds don't approve. I don't think they ever will. I know what to do. I just don't know yet. I need back up dancers...